Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY MARCH 9, 2021

Here’s the Story….
Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave. As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily. “Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier. “Soldier, this better be good,” responded his sergeant.
So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story, “Sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse but it dropped dead on me. In the end I had to run 10 miles but I am here now.”

Sergeant Wilson was skeptical about the soldier’s explanation but at least he’d made it back to camp. The sergeant thought about it momentarily and then decided he’d let the soldier off this time. A couple minutes later, eight more of Sergeant Wilson’s men ran up to the camp gates, panting heavily. The sergeant demanded explanations for why they were all late and each of them told the same story. “Sorry sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but it
broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse but it dropped dead on me. In the end I had to run 10 miles but I am here now,” each soldier repeated in turn.

Sergeant Wilson eyed them all suspiciously but since he’d decided to be lenient with the first soldier, he decided that it would only be fair to excuse them too. A few minutes later the tenth and final soldier came running up to the camp gates, panting heavily. “And where have you been?” snapped Sergeant Wilson.
The soldier quickly responded, “Sorry sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus
but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but….” Sergeant Wilson interrupted him immediately, “Let me guess soldier. It broke down?” “No, sir,” said the soldier, “There were so many dead horses in the road it took forever for the cab driver to find a way around them all.” 😳😁😎

Have a GREAT MONDAY people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up!
Peace, I am outta here! Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent
you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It’s perfect for the drinker
who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun.” -Conan O’Brien

“A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are
more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story,
guys with an accordion will die alone.” -Jimmy Fallon

“YouTube temporarily pulled a New York zoo’s live stream of a
giraffe giving birth. A zoo spokesman said that their YouTube cam
had been reported as containing nude content. All animals are nude!
Every one of them is nude except for your neighbor’s dog who has
to wear those stupid dog outfits that he clearly hates.” -James Corden

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Pauly walks into a bar and says “Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!” The bartender says,
“Well, Pauly, seems you’re in a really good mood tonight, eh?” Pauly says, “Oh, you can bet on it!
I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!” The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives. Pauly comes back into the bar and says, “Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!” The bartender says, “Well now! If you’re so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you’ll be when you get your paycheck!” Pauly looks at the bartender with a confused look on his face, pulls out quite a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says “You mean they’ll PAY me on top of it?” 😱😳😁😎

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“But Delta’s already on probation.” “They are? Well, as of this moment, they’re on double, secret probation!”

Answer: Animal House!
In this scene Faber College Dean, Vernon Wormer (John Vernon), discusses with Omega fraternity house president, Greg Marmalard (James Daughton), about how to get rid of Delta house, notorious for drunken parties, pranks and abysmally low school grades. Greg says the first line and the Dean then replies with the second. “Animal House” was filmed at and around the University of Oregon in Eugene, OR. The President of the University had denied permission for the 1967 movie “The Graduate” to be filmed there, and he liked that movie so much when it came out that he decided he didn’t want to miss another opportunity.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from????
“The Grey Hair’s children were under Magua’s knife but escaped. They’ll be under it again.” “Why do you hate the Grey Hair, Magua?”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
5 children are referred for articulation therapy at PS 102. Each child has a minor sound error that was
quickly remediated. Can you find the child, his/her referring teacher, age, sound error, and therapy length?

  1. Only two students worked on a sound that was in their names.
  2. The youngest child corrected his sound in the shortest amount of time.
  3. The five students were: Freddie, Mrs. Hart’s 6 year old student, the 8 year old, the student working on “f”, and the one who took 5 weeks of therapy.
  4. Mrs. Washington’s student kept practicing her sound by sticking out her tongue in class.
  5. Billy is not the oldest, but he is older than the students working on “s” and “sh”.
  6. Mrs. Smith asked the speech pathologist to teach her student the “r” sound.
  7. It took two weeks to learn the “sh” sound.
  8. Tommy has Mrs. Stevens.
  9. Freddie took one half the time to correct his sound as the girl in Mrs. Washington’s class, but he took two times as long as the kid working on “f”.
  10. Beth is the oldest and it took her 4 weeks to learn her sound.
  11. The “s” sound took two weeks less time to correct than the “r”.

Answer: Billy, age 7, R, 5 weeks, Smith
Suzie, age 6, S, 3 weeks, Hart
Freddie, age 5, SH, 2 weeks, Thomas
Tommy, age 4, F, 1 week, Stevens
Beth, age 8, TH, 4 weeks, Washington

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters. Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

  1. Confuse R _ _ _ _ _ / C _ _ _ _ _ Bovines
  2. Invent _ _ _ _ T _ / _ _ _ _ S _ Furrow
  3. Endured _ A _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ Tilted
  4. Joking _ _ N _ _ _ / _ _ R _ _ _ Bargain

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS, Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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