WELCOME to FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 10, 2021
Here’s The Story….
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new 2015 BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Apple i phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Apple ipad® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Galaxy S5® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud (with a smile).
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the backseat of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S.Government”, says Bud.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you still don’t know crap about how working people make a living-or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.” “Now give me back my dog.”😳
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“This weekend a couple from Connecticut will have the longest marriage ever recorded in the U.S.
They said the secret to their long-lasting marriage is love, compromise, and the fact that neither
one of them has been able to hear a word the other one has said in more than 30 years.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A study found that many types of head lice have mutated and now have become resistant to
over-the-counter treatments. The problem has scientists scratching their heads.” -Conan O’Brien
“The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it’s a little
frustrating when you try to text, ‘Burglar! Please hurry!,’ and it auto-corrects to, ‘Burger, please. Hungry.'” -Jimmy Fallon
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A tobacco company sent Dave several packages of cigarettes with the explanation: “We are sending
you some of our finest cigarettes. We hope you enjoy them and will want more.”
After several months the tobacco company received this reply from Dave: “I got your cigarettes and
soaked them in a quart of water which I sprayed on my bug-infested rosebushes. Every bug died!
These cigarettes make best poison ever! Please send me some more next month in case any bugs survived.”😳
Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Fraulein, were you this much trouble at the Abbey?”
“Oh, much more, sir.”
Answer: The Sound of Music!
In the events leading up to this scene, nun-in-training Maria (Julie Andrews) does not fit in very well in the Abbey in Salzburg, Austria and the Mother Abbess (Peggy Wood) suggests, “There is a family near Salzburg that needs a governess until September.” The family she is referring to is headed by widowed naval captain Georg von Trapp (Christopher Plummer) who has seven children. When Maria first visits his home he explains how he uses different short-and-long blasts on a whistle to call his children, and assigns a code to her. She protests with the line, “Oh, no, sir, I’m sorry, sir. I could never answer to a whistle. Whistles are for dogs and cats and other animals, but not for children and definitely not for me.” He then says line one and she responds with line two. She later organizes his seven children into an award-winning singing group. In the 1966 Academy Awards “The Sound of Music” won five Oscars, including Best Picture. Julie Andrews was nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role for her portrayal of Maria (but did not win). This movie is based on a true story. The real Maria von Trapp has a cameo appearance in this movie (she can be seen walking in the square when Julie Andrews sings the song “I Have Confidence”). Maria died in Vermont, USA in 1987 at the age of 82. Historical note: After the Nazis took over Austria in World War II, the family home became the headquarters of Heinrich Himmler.
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Stop! L.A.P.D! Get out of the car!”
“Hey man, this is MY car. I OWN this car. It’s NOT stolen.”
Thursday’s Quizzler is….
Find out what the animals are! (for example, “To run away or escape” could be a “flea”)
- A strong body tissue
- Government head of a town/city
- To sound low, husky, or grating
- Relating to a group of singers
- A parent’s female sibling
- A mythical curse or bond
- A second-person pronoun
- Thin thread-like outgrowth from the skin
- To exist. A form of ‘am’ or ‘was.’
Answer: 1. Mussel (Muscle)
- Mare (Mayor)
- Horse (Hoarse)
- Coral (Choral)
- Robin (Robbin’)
- Ant (Aunt)
- Geese (Geas)
- Ewe (You)
- Hare (Hair)
- Bee (Be)
Friday’s Quizzler is…….
Soldiers line up spaced with pride,
Two long rows lined side by side.
One sole unit can decide,
If the rows will unite or divide.
Tell me, tell me, scream it out.
What’s the thing I talk about?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#, Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.