Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY JANUARY 18, 2021

Who Reads Newspapers? A Funny and Alternative View…

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

The Washington Post is read by people who think they ought to run the country.

USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t understand The
Washington Post.

The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time.

The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country.

The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something scandalous.

The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that a country is a good idea in the first place.

The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country.

The Chicago Tribune is read by people who live in the Midwest, which readers of the other newspapers don’t think is part of the country.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“According to a new report, America’s teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily,
America’s teenagers will never understand the report because they’re 85th in reading.” -Conan O’Brien

“Big news from the Oxford English Dictionary. For all of you kids who don’t know what a dictionary is,
it’s a small portion of the Internet, printed out, kept on a shelf, and opened once every three years
during a Scrabble game.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“The CEO of Domino’s Pizza announced that he is stepping down this summer. He’ll carefully pack
up his office, then get home and find that all his stuff is stuck to the top of the box.” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife
had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and
the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. “You see where they’re smoothing that cement?” he replied. “I just threw my wife’s credit cards in there.” 😳

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I pity your country ignorance from my heart.”
“And I despise your citified claptrap.”

Answer: Tom Jones!
In this scene 18th century London resident Miss Western (Edith Evans) is visiting her country farmer brother, Squire Western (Hugh Griffith), and speaks to him from a second-floor balcony. She considers him an uncouth country bumpkin. He considers her a pretentious citified busybody. She says line one and he replies with line two. She also says, “Brother, as I am here to stay awhile I shall sign a peace treaty with you.” This hilarious comedy tells the story of Tom Jones (played as a young adult by a young Albert Finney), a child of unknown parentage who is raised as a gentleman in 18th century England. “Tom Jones” is based on English author Henry Fielding’s classic 1749 novel “The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling” (the version with Albert Finney, Susannah York, and Hugh Griffith).

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Do you like to gamble, Eddie? Gamble money on pool games?”
“Fats, let’s you and I shoot a game of straight pool.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
What is this saying?

IF SOLTION THEN PROBULEM.

Answer: If you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem
(U is missing from SOLUTION=not part of it, and U is added to PROBLEM=part of it)

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
A Tom Swifty is a play on words. Tom speaks, and the way he is said to speak is a pun. Both meanings of the pun could be true.
e.g. “I love hot dogs”, Tom said frankly.
“Frank” describes how he spoke and relates to the hot dog! [Frankfurter!]

Choose one of the listed words or phrases to fill each gap.

** CLUES **

  1. “I was adopted,” said Tom _.
  2. “Pass the playing cards,” said Tom _.
  3. “I know the square root of 64,” said Tom __.
  4. “The prisoner escaped down a rope,” said Tom __.
  5. “None of my teeth have had any decay yet,” said Tom __.

Choose one of the listed words to fill each gap.

** WORD LIST **
belatedly condescendingly congenially considerately gracefully ideally precariously suddenly transparently unwittingly

** BONUS **
Complete this one yourself and write your answer as a “Comment”.

“This is tedious”, said Tom _.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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