Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY FEBRUARY 28, 2022

Here’s The Story…
A traffic cop pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see that the young lady, who was driving, was knitting.
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the policeman wound
down his window, turned on his loudspeaker and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’
‘NO, ‘the young lady yelled back, ‘IT’s A SCARF!’ 😳😬😁😎
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“In technology news, the organization that oversees emoji’s has changed the lobster emoji
after people in Maine complained that it didn’t have the correct number of legs! When they
heard about this, lobsters were like “Thanks for fixing the emoji but while you’re at it,
can you stop boiling us?'” -James Corden

“A new study found that our happiness peaks in our late 80s. Mainly because
all the people who annoyed you are dead by then.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life
by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with
that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.
“And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast
table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the
slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”
“Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.”
“And, when was that?”
“When he asked for the second cup.” 😳

Fridays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“What do you want to be married to me for, anyhow?”
“So I can kiss you anytime I want.”

Answer: Sweet Home Alabama!
This exchange occurs twice in this movie with the same two characters both times, but their lines are reversed in the two scenes. “Sweet Home Alabama” tells the story of Melanie Smooter (Reese Witherspoon), who marries her Alabama sweetheart Jake Perry (Josh Lucas), but some time later starts divorce proceedings to dissolve the marriage. She moves from Alabama to New York City, uses the last name Carmichael, makes up untrue details about her past and tries to distance herself from her Alabama roots. After returning home to Alabama on a brief trip to iron out details for her impending marriage to handsome celebrity catch Andrew Hennings (Patrick Dempsey), she gradually realizes she really does love Jake best. In this scene (at the end of the movie) Melanie is embracing Jake on a beach in the rain after breaking off her marriage to Andrew Hennings at the last minute (the guests were already at the ceremony). She learned at the ceremony that she had never signed the divorce papers from her younger days’ marriage to Jake and now realizes she really does love him. He says line one, and she replies with line two.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Doo, I’m glad I make you proud, honey, but I can’t sing in front of people. I just can’t.”
“Yes you can, baby.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….
Have you ever been stuck in traffic, staring at the vehicle ahead of you?
Did you notice the make and model? Now you can use that to your advantage.

Each clue below takes the model name of a vehicle and modifies it to form a normal English word.
Any letters in quotes must be added to the model name (either before, after, or inside).
See how many you can figure out.

Example: Don’t be greedy! Inserting “PERABU” into this Plymouth model is just too much.
Answer: SU-PERABU-NDANCE, a modified Plymouth SUNDANCE. A “superabundance” is an excessive amount.

You may get a hole in one of these Volkswagen models, but you will be beaten backwards.
Insert “AT” into this Ford model to establish the validity of your will.
You must insert an “ITIM” in this Subaru model to be in compliance with the law.
This Mitsubishi model is a summary, but it needs an “E” to be strictly correct.
Following this Toyota model with “RY” will lead you to a conclusion.
Adding “BLE” to this Oldsmobile model is something we can definitely do.
Inserting a “C” into this Honda model will make it impossible to occur.

Answer: 1. FLOG, a modified (backwards) Volkswagen GOLF. To “flog” is to beat; a hole-in-one is a perfect shot in golf.

PROB-AT-E, a modified Ford PROBE. A “probate” is the process of proving that a will is authentic.
LEG-ITIM-ACY, a modified Subaru LEGACY. “Legitimacy” refers to conforming with the law.
PRECIS-E, a modified Mitsubishi PRECIS. To be “precise” is to be exactly correct; a “precis” is a summary.
COROLLA-RY, a modified Toyota COROLLA. A “corollary” is something easily shown based on what is already proved.
ACHIEVA-BLE, a modified Oldsmobile ACHIEVA. Anything that can be done is “achievable”.
PRE-C-LUDE, a modified Honda PRELUDE. To “preclude” is to make impossible or to prevent from occurring.

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
Based on the clue in parentheses, find a four-letter word that can be inserted backwards into the blank to complete a longer word.

Example: di____ve (a defeat)
Answer: dissolve (“A defeat” gives you LOSS, which is placed backwards in the blank: di_SSOL_ve.)

s____ing (earth)
si____lk (felt reverent)
cam____e (chauffeur driven car)
s____way (bass; extreme)

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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