Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to FRIDAY MARCH 11, 2022

Here’s The Story…
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.” “No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day
in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven…” So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.” So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell…
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?” The devil smiles at him and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted..” Vote wisely on Election Day!!! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT WEEKEND people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung
by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.”
~ Dan Rather

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt
with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, “Thyroid problem?”
~ Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Honesty is the key to a relationship.
If you can fake that, you’re in.”
~ Courtney Cox

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport
for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed
like black pimps.” ~ Tiger Woods

“I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live
in poverty. Actually, I’m more intrigued by the 23 per cent
who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.”
~ Jerry Garcia

“I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about
to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed
touches my foot.” ~ Axel Rose

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That
afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon
the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap, The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. 😳

Thursdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
only two kinds of creatures get fun in the desert: Bedouins and gods, and you’re neither. Take it from me, for ordinary men it’s a burning, fiery furnace.”
“No, Dryden, it’s going to be fun.”

Answer: Lawrence of Arabia!
In this scene, during World War I, British Lieutenant T.E. Lawrence (a.k.a. Lawrence of Arabia, played by Peter O’Toole) is discussing with Mr. Dryden (Claude Rains) of the British Arab Bureau the outcome of a meeting with British General Murray (Donald Wolfit). General Murray has agreed to lend Lawrence to the Arab Bureau for three months so he can help assess the Arab army of Prince Feisal (Alec Guinness). Dryden says line one and Lawrence replies with line two. This movie tells the true story of Lawrence, the eccentric British officer who united the desert tribes of Arabia against the Turks. It is based on Lawrence’s book “The Seven Pillars of Wisdom” about his Arabian adventures.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“I told you, l don’t want you riding with me no more.”
“You still owe me $200.”

Thursday’s Quizzler is….
I’m a ten-letter word, but when I am heard,
I have only four, not one letter more.

My first two sounds are neat; a kind of sheet,
That starts with spread, not the kind on a bed.

Of my sounds, the third is what will be heard,
alphabetically, in the middle of modus operandi.

If you want to hear more, then like the shore,
I end at the sea, that’s a hint, you see.

What word am I?

ANSWER: Excellency (XLNC)
The four letters, XLNC, sound just like the ten-letter word excellency.
The first two sounds (XL) are the name of a spreadsheet program.
If you arrange the letters in modus operandi alphabetically (addeimNooprsu), the letter N is
the middle letter. Also, modus operandi is usually written as an abbreviation, MO,
which in the alphabet, would have an N in the middle.
The final letter (C) sounds like sea. Do you see?

Friday’s Quizzler is…….
In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each answer to the clue comprises six (6) letters.
Each 6-letter word differs by only one (1) letter, which I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided. The order of the letters do not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

Pliant _ _ _ _ _ E / _ _ _ _ _ Y Stash
Inundate _ _ _ _ G _ / _ _ _ _ X _ Elegant
Expenditure P _ _ _ _ _ / L _ _ _ _ _ Spread
Chevron _ _ _ _ P _ / _ _ _ _ K _ Hit

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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