Wednesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


Steven Wright (American Comedian)

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

I have a map of the world at home. Full size, I spent last summer folding it.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

How did a fool and his money get together?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

What’s another word for thesaurus?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s
called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s
called cargo?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

I woke up one morning and all of my stuff
had been stolen…and replaced by exact duplicates.

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

My mechanic told me, ‘I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Do you think that when they asked George
Washington for his ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t
everyone just move 10 miles away?

And whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘Lisp’ to have a ‘S’ in it?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

β€œThere never was a good war or a bad peace.”
-Benjamin Franklin.

β€œThere is nothing so likely to produce peace as
to be well prepared to meet the enemy.”
-George Washington.

β€œPeace is not achieved by controlling nations,
but mastering our thoughts.”
-John Harricharan.

β€œPeace is constructed, not fought for.”
-Brent Davis.

β€œThe world is a dangerous place to live; not because
of the people who are evil, but because of the people
who don’t do anything about it.”
-Albert Einstein.

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Victor saw a sign in the window of Barney’s Restaurant, Droitwich Spa, UK, that read ‘Unusual Breakfast’. Always an adventurous eater, Victor went in and sat down. The waitress brought him his pot of tea and asked him what he wanted to eat.
‘What’s does your unusual breakfast include?’ he asked politely.
‘Baked tongue of chicken!’ she replied with a grin.
‘Baked tongue of chicken?… baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?
I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken’s mouth!’ Victor cried.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, ‘What would you like then?’
‘Oh, just bring me some scrambled eggs,’ Victor replied. 😳

Tuesdays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“I don’t think that’s a decision you can make.”

Answer: The Bourne Identity!
In this scene (near the end of the movie) U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) operative Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) has finally recovered from his temporary amnesia and has pieced together his real identity from numerous passports with different names, all with his picture. He is confronting his CIA supervisor for the Treadstone Project, Alexander Conklin (Chris Cooper), about his assignments as an assassin. Jason says line one and Conklin replies with line two. Conklin tells Jason, “You’re a malfunctioning $30 million weapon!” This movie has quite a few fast-paced and exciting action sequences and is fun to watch. “The Bourne Identity” spawned these sequels so far: “The Bourne Supremacy” (2004) and “The Bourne Ultimatum” (2007).

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“How’s the Italian food in this restaurant?”
“Good. Try the veal — it’s the best in the city.”

Tuesday’s Quizzler is….​
What is represented by this rebus?


ANSWER: Up for grabs

Wednesday’s Quizzler is…….
Can you decipher this:


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in THURSDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at,


CHECK THIS BOOK OUT online at, The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store.
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