Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to TUESDAY MAY 17, 2022

So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for:
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks
per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261
days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work,
you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days
each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you
used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.
You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days
per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available
working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year,
which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY! people,
stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Starting this week, every fast-food chain in America has to post calorie counts on
their menus. You can tell people are confused, because today they read the menu
like, ‘I’ll have the Whopper 3,000!'” -Jimmy Fallon

“For those of you who aren’t familiar with Coachella, it’s a big music festival in the
California desert. If you didn’t get tickets or if you’re too far away, just get high and
pass out in a dumpster behind Trader Joe’s. Just like being there.” -Jimmy Kimmel

“A new poll has found that a majority of Americans say that driverless cars will have
a big impact on the elderly. Specifically, if they don’t cross the street fast enough.” -Seth Meyers😳

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
“Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company.”
“Would you spell that, please?”
“Certainly. That’s C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye.
W as in why. A as in are. and Y as in you.”
“Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with my supervisor.” 😳

Mondays’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You think that they are one thing and then they turn out to be the exact opposite.”

Answer: She’s the Man!
Duke said this to Viola in the movie, “She’s the Man”. Duke said that because he saw the real Sebastian kissing Olivia. And he told the other ‘Sebastian’ that he had liked her. This movie was about a girl named Viola. She was in a girls’ soccer team, which they do not allow anymore. Therefore, she pretended to be a guy named Sebastian and tried out for the boys’ soccer team. She made it and had to live with a guy named Duke. But there was another problem: Viola liked Duke, Duke liked a girl named Olivia, and Olivia liked ‘Sebastian’.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“And I know there’s a reason why everybody wants it so much.”

Monday’s Quizzler is….​
Emperor Akbar once ruled over India. He was a wise and intelligent ruler, and he had in his court the Nine Gems, his nine advisors, who were each known for a particular skill. One of these Gems was Birbal, known for his wit and wisdom. The story below is one of the examples of his wit. Do you have it in you to find out the answer?

There was once a blacksmith who used to make spears and shields. He came to Emperor Akbar’s court and claimed – “Your Majesty, nobody can make shields and spears like mine. My shields are so strong that nothing can pierce them and my spears are so sharp that there is nothing they cannot pierce.”

On hearing this statement, Birbal immediately said, “You lie and I can prove that you are lying.” What did he find wrong with the man’s statement?

Answer: Birbal told the man – “I can prove you wrong. Let’s do a simple test.”
The man, supremely confident, agreed.
Birbal said smilingly – “OK, hold up one of your shields and I will pierce it with one of your spears.”
The man realized he had been outwitted because both his statements could never be true at the same time.
Only one of his statements would hold true under any situation. Shamed to silence, he quietly left the court.

Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
Now in this rhyme, you will find all the elements of a riddle,
All the clues are buried here, somewhere in the middle.
My first is in fact the last naturally to be seen,
I am in part a catalyst for refining gasoline.
My second is in party balloons they float up off the ground,
Although Noble I give your voice a tiny squeaking sound.
Equally noble is my third, I’m said to be mostly inert,
I’m used in incandescent lights so the filament won’t get hurt.
My fourth is known as devilish stuff, of volcanoes I do smell,
Although no-one’s been back to report, I’m supposed to stink like hell!
Finally I am used to make aeroplanes you can trust,
I’m light, I’m strong, I shine like new, I never, ever rust.
Put us all together, and you get what comes before,
Practice makes us perfect, go over it once more.
What am I?

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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