WELCOME to THURSDAY SETEMBER 1, 2022
Excerpts from the Dictionary of Aussie Slang…
DOWNLOAD: get the firewood off the ute
LOG ON: make the barbie hotter
MONITOR: keep an eye on the barbie
LOG OFF: the steak’s burning
FLOPPY DISC: what you get lifting too much firewood at once
WINDOW: what you shut when it’s cold
BYTE: what mozzies do
BIT: what the mozzie did
MEGA BYTE: what Townsville mozzies do
SCREEN: what you keep shut in mozzie season
CHIP: a bar snack
MICRO CHIP: what’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
MODEM: what you did to the lawns
DOT MATRIX: old Dan Matrix’s wife
LAPTOP: where the cat sleeps
SOFTWARE: fluffy wool slippers
HARDWARE: steel tipped work boots
MOUSE: what eats the grain in the shed
MOUSE PAD: Place under the shed inhabited by cool mice
MAINFRAME: what holds the shed up
WEB: what spiders make
WEBSITE: the shed, under the verandah or the backyard dunny
CURSOR: the old bloke who swears a lot
SEARCH ENGINE: what you do when the ute won’t go
UPGRADE: a steep hill
SERVER: the person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch
MAIL SERVER: the bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch
USER: the neighbour who keeps borrowing things
NETWORK: when you have to repair your fishing net
LINE: what you need to get out to fix the net
INTERNET: complicated fish net repair method
NETSCAPE: when fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
ONLINE: when you get the laundry hung out
OFFLINE: when the peg’s don’t hold the washing up
KEYBOARD: what you hang the car keys on
FILE: what you do to cut metal
FOLDER: what you can’t do to a dead cow
IT: long haired almost human relative who can’t speak English
MICROSOFT: an embarrassing occurrence fixed with viagara
HARD DISC: after it’s been fixed
BROWSER: shortened form for the boss’s favourite brown noser
SPREADSHEET: what you do before making the bed
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Do all the good you can, for all the people you can, in all
the ways you can, as long as you can.” — Hillary Clinton
“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better
and build something.” — Ashton Kutcher
“Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work. I live by that. You grind hard so you can play hard. At the end of the day, you put all the work in, and eventually it’ll pay off. It could be in a year, it could be in 30 years. Eventually, your hard work will pay off.” — Kevin Hart
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Latest news reports advise that a cell of five terrorists have been operating at your job. Police advised earlier today that four of the five have been detained. Security stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin’, Bin Drinkin’, Bin Whinin’, and Bin Fightin’ have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fifth cell member, Bin Workin’, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he’s Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the agency.😳
Wednesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You can either have the money and the hammer or you can walk out of here. You can’t have both. What do you want?”
“I just wanna get outta here.”
Answer: Casino!
In the events leading up to this scene, skillful gambling handicapper Sam “Ace” Rothstein (Robert De Niro) agrees to manage the Tangiers casino in Las Vegas for mobsters. In this scene he has detected a team of two cheating at the game of blackjack (one partner could see a dealer’s hole card from another table and signals the high-stakes partner with an electronic leg taping device). Rothstein pulls the signaler into a back room and has his men break the man’s hand with several hammer blows. Then the man’s partner is escorted in. The signaler cries to his partner, “Look what they did to my hand, man!” Rothstein then says line one and the scared partner replies with line two. In the 1996 Academy Awards, Sharon Stone (she played call girl/wife Ginger McKenna Rothstein) was nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role but lost the Oscar to Susan Sarandon in “Dead Man Walking.” Director Martin Scorsese stated that he created the “head-in-the-vise” scene as a sacrifice, certain that it would be censored out.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Man! That’s tasty!”
“That’s 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don’t even make it any more.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is….
Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to
create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.
Example: EVER – __ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN
SLIP LINED
BREAD _ CASE
OTHER __ CRACK
Answer: SLIP – STREAM – LINED
BREAD – BASKET – CASE
OTHER – WISE – CRACK
Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
For those of you who never played Might and Magic (a computer game), the Vowel-less Knights would always say something without vowels. It was up to you, the player, to figure out what they were saying. In their tradition, what are these famous quotes?
1) Spk sftl nd crr bg stck.
2) gv hm th whl nn yrds!
3) Nvr hv s fw gvn s mch fr s mn.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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The World According to the Eucman! 