Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to THURSDAY SETEMBER 1, 2022

Excerpts from the Dictionary of Aussie Slang…

DOWNLOAD: get the firewood off the ute

LOG ON: make the barbie hotter

MONITOR: keep an eye on the barbie

LOG OFF: the steak’s burning

FLOPPY DISC: what you get lifting too much firewood at once

WINDOW: what you shut when it’s cold

BYTE: what mozzies do

BIT: what the mozzie did

MEGA BYTE: what Townsville mozzies do

SCREEN: what you keep shut in mozzie season

CHIP: a bar snack

MICRO CHIP: what’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips

MODEM: what you did to the lawns

DOT MATRIX: old Dan Matrix’s wife

LAPTOP: where the cat sleeps

SOFTWARE: fluffy wool slippers

HARDWARE: steel tipped work boots

MOUSE: what eats the grain in the shed

MOUSE PAD: Place under the shed inhabited by cool mice

MAINFRAME: what holds the shed up

WEB: what spiders make

WEBSITE: the shed, under the verandah or the backyard dunny

CURSOR: the old bloke who swears a lot

SEARCH ENGINE: what you do when the ute won’t go

UPGRADE: a steep hill

SERVER: the person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch

MAIL SERVER: the bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch

USER: the neighbour who keeps borrowing things

NETWORK: when you have to repair your fishing net

LINE: what you need to get out to fix the net

INTERNET: complicated fish net repair method

NETSCAPE: when fish manoeuvres out of reach of net

ONLINE: when you get the laundry hung out

OFFLINE: when the peg’s don’t hold the washing up

KEYBOARD: what you hang the car keys on

FILE: what you do to cut metal

FOLDER: what you can’t do to a dead cow

IT: long haired almost human relative who can’t speak English

MICROSOFT: an embarrassing occurrence fixed with viagara

HARD DISC: after it’s been fixed

BROWSER: shortened form for the boss’s favourite brown noser

SPREADSHEET: what you do before making the bed

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT THURSDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Do all the good you can, for all the people you can, in all
the ways you can, as long as you can.” β€” Hillary Clinton

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better
and build something.” β€” Ashton Kutcher

“Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work. I live by that. You grind hard so you can play hard. At the end of the day, you put all the work in, and eventually it’ll pay off. It could be in a year, it could be in 30 years. Eventually, your hard work will pay off.” β€” Kevin Hart

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Latest news reports advise that a cell of five terrorists have been operating at your job. Police advised earlier today that four of the five have been detained. Security stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin’, Bin Drinkin’, Bin Whinin’, and Bin Fightin’ have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fifth cell member, Bin Workin’, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like he’s Bin Workin will be very easy to spot in the agency.😳

Wednesday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“You can either have the money and the hammer or you can walk out of here. You can’t have both. What do you want?”
“I just wanna get outta here.”

Answer: Casino!
In the events leading up to this scene, skillful gambling handicapper Sam “Ace” Rothstein (Robert De Niro) agrees to manage the Tangiers casino in Las Vegas for mobsters. In this scene he has detected a team of two cheating at the game of blackjack (one partner could see a dealer’s hole card from another table and signals the high-stakes partner with an electronic leg taping device). Rothstein pulls the signaler into a back room and has his men break the man’s hand with several hammer blows. Then the man’s partner is escorted in. The signaler cries to his partner, “Look what they did to my hand, man!” Rothstein then says line one and the scared partner replies with line two. In the 1996 Academy Awards, Sharon Stone (she played call girl/wife Ginger McKenna Rothstein) was nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role but lost the Oscar to Susan Sarandon in “Dead Man Walking.” Director Martin Scorsese stated that he created the “head-in-the-vise” scene as a sacrifice, certain that it would be censored out.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Man! That’s tasty!”
“That’s 100% pinot noir. Single vineyard. They don’t even make it any more.”

Wednesday’s Quizzler is….​
Below are 3 pairs of words. Find the words that fit in the middle of each pair of words to
create two new words, one front-ended and one back-ended.

Example: EVER – __ – HORN
Answer: EVER – GREEN – HORN

SLIP LINED
BREAD _
CASE
OTHER __
CRACK

Answer: SLIP – STREAM – LINED
BREAD – BASKET – CASE
OTHER – WISE – CRACK

Thursday’s Quizzler is…….
For those of you who never played Might and Magic (a computer game), the Vowel-less Knights would always say something without vowels. It was up to you, the player, to figure out what they were saying. In their tradition, what are these famous quotes?

1) Spk sftl nd crr bg stck.

2) gv hm th whl nn yrds!

3) Nvr hv s fw gvn s mch fr s mn.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

RECOMMENDED WEBSITE LINKS:
https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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