WELCOME to TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 13, 2022
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work
“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance,
so I pushed her over
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of
music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now
The man who survived pepper spray and mustard gas is now a seasoned veteran
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe
England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
The furniture store keeps calling me to come back. But all I wanted was one night stand
She had a photographic memory but never developed it
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type…
His last words to us were, “Be positive!”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Fantasy Football last Sunday. It’s a fun way for people who are bad at real sports
to realize that they’re also bad at imaginary sports.” -Jimmy Fallon
“Thousands of bugs have been stolen from the Philadelphia Insectarium. Thieves made
off with more than 7,000 bugs, including millipedes, rhinoceros roaches and venomous
spiders valued at more than $40,000. I get why people steal, but what’s the plan after
a theft like this? You walk around the street going, ‘Wanna buy some bugs?'” -Jimmy Kimmel
“According to another study, chocolate chip cookie addiction shares many similarities
with cocaine addiction. Researchers say sugar can give you some of the same cravings
that cocaine can give. And I say, it is actually worse for you. Like, believe me, try getting
an entire chocolate chip cookie up your nose.” -James Corden
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She had made her family’s
favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they had eaten half of it. The next
day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice. Then another, and
another. By the time she had polished off the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed.
“What did he say when he found out?” one club member asked.
“He never found out,” she said. “I made another cake and ate half.” 😳
Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“Now you look at me. Do you think I’m evil?”
“No, no, you are kind and good.”
“And a gypsy. Maybe Frollo’s wrong about both of us.”
Answer: The Hunchback of Notre Dame!
The tale of the misshapen recluse of Notre Dame is wonderfully told in this Disney, animated classic. Raised in virtual isolation, by an evil man, Quasimodo is brought up to see only the bad in everyone around him…including himself. This exchange occurs after Quasimodo finally allows himself to venture out into the world, and meets up with a beautiful gypsy woman. She begins to teach him how false his earlier beliefs were. Demi Moore, Kevin Kline, Tom Hulce and Tony Jay leant their voice talents to this film.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“You know, I’ve always wondered about you guys…you know, about how you’re trained to take a bullet for the President?”
“What about it?”
“Is that really true? I mean would you really let yourself be killed to save his life?”
“So now that means that you’d get killed for me too.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
What do all the words in this list have in common?
Answer: All these words are heteronyms. Heteronyms are words which are spelled exactly the same way
but have different pronunciations and different meanings.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
In this teaser you place a small word in “de…ed” to produce a new word. The letters are inserted in order, as a whole.
Each cryptic clue has two parts:
- first, a clue for the small word
- finally, a clue for the new word
The hint gives the number of letters in the small word.
CLUE: A knight, indeed, is longed for.
ANSWER: deSIRed – “Sir” in “de…ed” – means “longed for”
- Face the ball, indeed! He just had a war of words.
- Not able to, indeed! It was poured out without disturbing the sediment.
- Short, indeed; but thoroughly cross-examined.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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