Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to MONDAY DECEMBER 5, 2022

Favorite Police Emergency Calls:

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don’t know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I’ve never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid. 😳

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband 😳

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn…I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. Darn it….
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police. 😳😳😳

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY! people, stay safe, and whatever you do,
don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“A couple in Michigan is being sued for $2 million after they burned down their apartment
complex while trying to cook a squirrel with a blowtorch. I’m not an accountant, but it
SOUNDS like they might not have $2 million.” -Seth Meyers

“A man in New Orleans could be facing a life sentence for stealing $31 worth of candy from
a drug store. I feel for this guy. That has got to be a tough conversation once you’re in prison.
‘Yeah, I’m in for armed robbery and arson, what about you?’ ‘Oh, you know,
the new peanut butter Twix.'” -James Corden

“I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert Einstein presented his theory of General
Relativity, which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the last time someone actually
meant it when they said, ‘Way to go, Einstein.'” -Jimmy Fallon

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
My family traditionally begins the evening meal with a prayer of thanks. When they were old enough,
we began letting our children say the meal prayer. Of course, at first, they would ask for a pony, a new
bike, etc. They soon learned the more important things which should be included in the prayer.
At Thanksgiving we had the whole family over. My nine-year-old wanted to say the prayer. It went like
this: “Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for the turkey, the rolls, the mashed potatoes, the red jiggly stuff,
and the bread stuff even though I don’t like it. We ask that You not let us choke on this food.” 😳😳

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“I’ve… seen things… you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion; I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate… All those… moments… will be lost, in time, like… tears… in… rain. Time… to die.”

Answer: Blade Runner!
Rutger Hauer played the replicant Roy Batty, who had just saved the life of Deckard (Harrison Ford’s character), who had been hunting Batty and his fellow replicants. On dying, Batty released a white dove (like the one in the photo) he had been holding.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary.”

Friday’s Quizzler is….
School starts tomorrow, and Silly Sarah has yet to purchase her school supplies! Last year, she received a list of the items she will need, but her teacher decided to have a little fun, and have it in a brain-teaser format. Could you help Silly Sarah out, so she can get to school with all the supplies she needs?

One who secretly keeps watch on another or others + A small rounded portion of bread + Not yes, but __ + 20th letter of the alphabet + A printed or written literary work
A fenced enclosure for animals + Window ____s
To withdraw from a game of poker in defeat + Err…
Pigment + 4th letter in the alphabet + A fenced enclosure for animals + Window ____s
Unsoiled + 24th letter in the alphabet
To tie or secure + Err…
Spherical object + A sharp or tapered end + What you hit when you bowl
Tigger’s best friend + Lyr
Not fastened + Singular for what falls from trees in Autumn + To give money to in return for goods or services + To, for, or by each; for every
Common greeting + Something a lamp gives off + Err… Answer: Silly Sarah had to get:
Spiral Notebook (Spy + Roll + No + T + Book)
Pencils (Pen + Sills)
Folder (Fold + Err)
Colored Pencils (Color + D + Pen + Sills)
Kleenex (Clean + X)
Binder (Bind + Err)
Ball Point Pen (Ball + Point + Pin)
Ruler (Roo + Lyr)
Loose Leaf Paper (Loose + Leaf + Pay + Per)
Highlighter (Hi + Light + Err)

Monday’s Quizzler is…….
If O2 is O=O.
H2O is H-O-H,
and CO2 is O=C=O,
then what might this represent?

=James=

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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