WELCOME to TUESDAY JANUARY 24, 2023
The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes
by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over
a period of three years. Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and, of course, spelling.
Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next
great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They
lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before
he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as
well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He
later died from an overdose of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death,
his career suffered a dramatic decline.
In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because
they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out “Same to you, Brutus.”
Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself
before her troops they all shouted “hurrah!” and that was the end of the fighting for a long while.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of blood.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his men.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a HAPPY TUESDAY people, stay safe, and
whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁
q u o t e s o f t h e d a y
“Later this month, Google will be testing its new self-driving minivans. The vehicles can
do all the functions of a human driver, except wonder, ‘Christ, how
did I end up driving a minivan?'” -Conan O’Brien
“More than 60 cities around the world celebrated the 16th annual No Pants Subway Ride
yesterday. Or as that one guy on your train calls it, ‘Sunday.'” -Seth Meyers
“In Las Vegas, the Consumer Electronics Show is going on. It displays new technology
that makes you already hate the TV you bought two weeks ago for Christmas.” -Jimmy Kimmel
Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
Even though there was a blizzard raging outside, I made it the half-mile to the bakery,
where I asked the owner for six rolls.
“Your wife must love these rolls,” he said.
“How do you know these are for my wife?” I asked.
“Because I don’t think your mother would send you out in weather like this.” 😳😳
Monday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “
“By Grabthar’s hammer, by the sons of Worvan, you shall be avenged.”
Answer: Galaxy Quest!
The cast members of a cancelled, “Star Trek”-like television program, with a deeply devoted following, spend the rest of their careers reenacting their roles for conferences and grocery store openings. When a group of aliens, who had modeled their entire society after intercepted shows, appeals to them to help save their people from aggressive invaders, the crew suddenly finds themselves really in space, playing for stakes much higher than they had ever imagined. This line is the catch phrase of one of the characters, which he is trapped into repeating ad nauseum, for what feels to him like all eternity.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
“He’s a man from outer space and we’re taking him to his spaceship.”
“Well, can’t he just beam up?”
“This is reality Greg.”
Monday’s Quizzler is….
A man picked up a plastic water bottle and filled it to the rim with water. He put a ketchup sachet in it and closed it up.
The man approached a woman and said, “If you can solve how this works, I’ll give you a dollar.”
The man said “down” and the sachet of ketchup suddenly went down. Then he said “up” and it went up. Then he said “down”, and when it was halfway down, he said “stay” and it stayed.
How did he do this?
ANSWER: He did it by adding pressure to the bottom. When there is less pressure, it rises. When there is more pressure, it lowers. If you add just the right pressure, it will stay.
You can perform this with lots of practice in front of a mirror. It will shock your friends, most likely.
You can find a ketchup sachet at your local fast food restaurant (ex: Burger King, McDonald’s, etc.)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is…….
This is another in my series of rhyming word ladders. This one is a little more challenging than the others — most people will probably have to work forwards and backwards to get all ten words. (At least, that was the goal when making the puzzle.)
Find all ten words referenced in this bit of verse.
The first one is a giant ship,
though it never saw a port.
Prepend one letter onto that
to make a covering, of a sort.
Replace the final letter:
a place that beasts might bed.
Swap middle two, insert an I
to find what’s in your head!
Change B to G and then you’ll make
something from a farm.
Move first to last, insert a K:
a workout for your arm.
Add C and C, and then you’ll see
what walnuts fear from you.
Drop A-C-K and add an E:
what a fearful one might do.
Dump outer two, move last to first,
and have a little smile.
Delete the R and then you’ll make
a beverage some find vile.
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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