When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for
ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka.
“Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.
At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day,
and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.
“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”
As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles
of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”😳😳
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a GREAT MONDAY, people, stay safe,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace, I am outta here! Eucman! 😁

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

“Scientists said yesterday that the T. rex may have had teeth serrated
like a steak knife, which may have helped it eat meat more efficiently.
Experts believe the T. rex evolved the knife-like teeth after having
so much trouble using regular silverware.” -Seth Meyers

“A restaurant here in New York is serving a grilled cheese-flavored martini.
Or as parents put it, ‘Finally, a way to get my kids to finish their martinis.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“In China, an animal trainer taught his monkeys kung fu but then they turned
on him using their best kung fu moves. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million
times only teach your monkeys your worst Kung Fu moves.” -Conan O’Brien

Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes
One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do
anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend.
“I’m seriously considering it, but I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”

Friday’s’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this about???
This movie is a comedy about an alien who comes to earth in search of a female willing to reproduce.

Answer: What Planet Are You From?
Though “Love Affair” did feature both Shandling and Bening, that one starred Warren Beatty, who also starred with Bening in “Bugsy”. “As Good As It Gets” gave us Kinnear with Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt and Cuba Gooding, Jr. “What Planet Are You From” was a comedy about an alien who comes to earth in search of a female willing to reproduce.
It didn’t win much critical acclaim, but had some amusing moments nonetheless.

Monday’ Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this about???
This movie is about a commercial airline pilot and his troubled wife.

Friday’s Quizzler is….​
The following sentences have two blanks that can be filled with two words that are anagrams of each other. Please find those words.

1. Mark’s math _ was a mild-mannered man. But one thing he would not tolerate was a _. He would immediately fail anyone caught doing so.
2. The patient _ his pain through physical therapy. He had seen enough _ surgeries to know that too many people elected surgery when they shouldn’t have.
3. After a long and successful career of serving his country, the nation was in shock as the highly regarded _ was arrested and tried for _.

Answer: 1. teacher, cheater

2. lessened, needless
3. Senator, treason

Monday’s Quizzler is….​😎😎
Amanda and four of her friends decided to grow their own herbs in the local community garden. Each person grows two different herbs in his/her plot (labeled A-E from left to right) and tends his/her plot on a different day of the week (Monday – Friday). From the info provided, determine each person’s garden plot, the herbs they grow (including marjoram and rosemary), and what day they tend their plot.

1) No two plots that are tended on consecutive days are located next to each other in the garden. The initials of each herb in a plot, the day the plot is tended, and the owner of the plot are 4 different letters.

2) Amanda tends her oregano in plot A. She does not grow thyme.

3)The five plots are the one tended by Cassandra (which she tends on Thursdays), the one in which mint grows, the one tended on Tuesdays, the one in which thyme grows, and plot D.

4) Marrissa’s plot is located to the immediate left of the one containing sage (which is not grown with oregano) and somewhere to the right of the one tended on Thursdays.

5) Walter’s plot is located immediately between the plot tended on Thursdays (which is not plot A) and the one containing chive and dill, in that order.

6) Timmy tends his plot the day before the parsley is tended (not in plot C) and the day after the plot containing basil is tended.

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! 😎 Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com., https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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https://elisabethluxe.com., http://www.themuscleministry.com.

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