Welcome, ‏to Friday July 9th.  SIGNS YOU’RE A LOUSY COOK……

* Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

* Your kids know what “peas porridge in a pot nine days old” tastes like.

* Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

* Your kids’ favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

* You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

* Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.

* Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags.

* Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

* No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.

* You burned the house down trying to make jelly.
   
Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!   
 
q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y 
“‘As the World Turns’ has been on for 54 years. Some of the cast members are really old. Although, on CBS, once you reach 95, you get to host ’60 Minutes’.” – Craig Ferguson

“Iran has banned the mullet. Today, the state of Kentucky broke off all diplomatic relations with Iran.” – Jay Leno

“There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.” – L. M. Boyd
 
“Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened.” –Cora Harvey Armstrong 
 
My girlfriend likes to role-play. For the past five years, she’s been playing my ex-girlfriend. 
 
Sitting at a stoplight, I was puzzling over the meaning of the vanity plate on the car in front of me. It read “Innie.” Then I got it. The make of the car was Audi. 
 
What’s  On  the  Web? 

Colorblind

Are you colorblind? Have you ever wondered why colorblind-
ness occurs? Do you think you are colorblind, but aren’t
sure? Well, this site has answers and explanations that
will answer all these questions.
Visit: http://www.colorvisiontesting.com/
 
Bizarre News

“Spanning the globe for the weird, strange & stupid,”
Bizarre News will certainly leave you smiling – some-
times even scratching your head!
Follow: http://twitter.com/MyBizarreNews

Guaranteed  to  Roll  Your Eyes   

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, “Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.” So she drove the boat to shore. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.” _________________________________________________________________________
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “Brilliant, isn’t he? Completely demented, of course. Terrifying to be in the same room with him.”      

Answer: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire! The character Ron Weasley said this to Harry and Hermione referring to ‘Mad Eye Moody’, who was the new Dark Arts teacher. They had just left the classroom and were on the stairs. He was a pretty frightening-looking character. This movie came out in 2005 . This is from the series of books written by J.K. Rowling, starring the wonderful wizard Harry Potter. He goes from one adventure to another with his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.   

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? “The last time I saw a walk like that was in Jurassic Park.”

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2008, try and identify which song or which artist.” What hurts the most was being so close And having so much to say And watchin’ you walk away”    

ANSWER: “What Hurts The Most” – Cascada! Many people have redone this song, and Cascada was one of them.  

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2007 try and identify which song or which artist.” “You got me begging you for mercy, Why won’t you release me? 

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  

Complete the words below using three consecutive letters in alphabetical order, e.g. _ _ A _ U S; add A B and C it would become ABACUS.
1. F _ _ R I _,
2. T H I _ _ _,
3. A _ U _ _ A,
4. _ _ _ I N E,
5. A _ _ _ T E,
6. _ _ _ A C K. 

Answer: 1. Fabric, 2. Thirst, 3. Alumna, 4. Define, 5. Astute, 6. Hijack.      

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter (each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.

1a) inexperienced
1b) to address with expressions of kind wishes
1c) unreasonable selfish desire

2a) highly skilled
2b) to conform
2c) to accept formally and put into effect

3a) a committee for judging and awarding prizes
3b) conceal or hide
3c) violent anger

4a) a rounded shape
4b) spoken
4c) a gemstone   

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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