Welcome, ‏to Friday August 20th.  MURPHY’S LAWS ON WORK………..

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.

Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. This is what I’m doing wrong.

Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T …).

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People are always available for work in the past tense.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”     

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to laff it up! Peace I am outta here!  
 
Q u o t e s  o f  t h e  d a y   
“I was up to page 300 typing my autobiography, when I tripped over the manuscript, fell on the dog and spilled whiskey all
over the pages. But that’s just the story of my life.” –Jerry L. Embry 
 
“I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.” –Elayne Boosler 
 
“There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience
or none at all.” –Ogden Nash  
  
G u a r a n t e e d  t o  R o l l  Y o u r  E y e s 

‘Writing: For the Sell of It’ was the theme of our community college’s annual writers’ conference. When I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker,
my request was met with a long silence. He finally said, “I don’t know what I would say to that audience.””You’re just being modest,” I replied. “I’m sure you’re ex-
tremely qualified to speak on that subject.” He suddenly broke into laughter. “I thought you said, ‘Writing for the Celibate!’  
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? ‘If I’m not back in five minutes… Wait longer.’   

Answer: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective! Ace said this to Melissa Robinson (Courtney Cox) right before he went in search of Snowflake at Ron Camp’s party. Ace is on a mission to help the Miami Dolphins in this comedy.  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!  What movie is this quote from???? ‘Well Hermione, you’re a girl.’

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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005, try and identify which song or which artist.” “Cause I’m broken when I’m open, and I don’t feel like I am strong enough, cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome, and I don’t feel right when you’re gone away.”  

ANSWER: Seether and Amy Lee! This song is featured on Seether’s album “Disclaimer II” but is sung by Seether and Amy Lee of “Evanescence”.   

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2005 try and identify which song or which artist.” “I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly, I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky, and I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change…”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..  
The following limerick has had the last word of each line scrambled. Can you figure it out?

It is the unfortunate THIAB
Of the rabbit to breed like a BIRTBA.
One can say without NOUSETIQ
This leads to TECGSONINO
In the burrows that rabbits TANIIBH.

ANSWER:  It is the unfortunate habit
Of the rabbit to breed like a rabbit.
One can say without question
This leads to congestion
In the burrows that rabbits inhabit. 

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

Find an anagram for each word in Group A. Each anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A
1. Optic
2. Civet
3. Toner
4. Rosin
5. Lease

Group B
1. Painter’s stand
2. Singing voice
3. Golf clubs
4. Subject
5. Throw out    

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Answers in MONDAY’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com.  YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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