WELCOME to Friday, February 18, 2010. Efficiency…..

From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management Consultants
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert’s Symphony No. 8 in B minor.

After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the following observations and recommendations:

1. We note that the twelve first violins were playing identical notes, as were the second violins. Three violins in each section, suitably amplified, would seem to us to be adequate.

2. Much unnecessary labour is involved in the number of demisemiquavers in this work; we suggest that many of these could be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver thus saving practice time for the individual player and rehearsal time for the entire ensemble. The simplification would also permit more use of trainee and less-skilled players with only marginal loss of precision.

3. We could find no productivity value in string passages being repeated by the horns; all tutti repeats could also be eliminated without any reduction of efficiency.

4. In so labour-intensive an undertaking as a symphony, we regard the long oboe tacet passages to be extremely wasteful. What notes this instrument is called upon to play could, subject to a satisfactory demarcation conference with the Musician’s Union, be shared out equitably amongst the other instruments.

Conclusion: if the above recommendations are implemented the piece under condsideration could be played through in less than half an hour with concomitant savings in overtime, lighting and heating, wear and tear on the instruments and hall rental fees. Also, had the composer been aware of modern cost-effective procedures he might well have finished this work.

Hey I’m just saying!  Have a great Friday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y 

It is now well known, however, that men enter local politics solely as a result of being unhappily married.  

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.  

There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, ‘Why a third?’ he replied ‘One’s absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!’    

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.  

Neither of us entered marriage thinking it wouldn’t be a strain. Life has strains in it, and he’s the person I want to strain with.  

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.  

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage.  

Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.  

I don’t know if it’s good for baseball, but it sure beats the hell out of rooming with Phil Rizzuto! (on the marriage of Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe)  

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him.  

You have no idea of the women I didn’t marry.  

They weren’t really weddings, just long costume parties. (on three of her weddings)  

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.  

I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I’m delighted when she gets to it.     

Everyone knows that a man can always marry even if he reaches 102, is penniless, and has all his faculties gone. There is always some woman willing to take a chance on him.  

If love means never having to say you’re sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h
He was an inventor of note. He created a big shoe with a phone in the heel. Now, he thought, he could use a phone whenever he wanted. He made several more so that he could have several shoes with phones in the house. One day, an emergency came up and he needed a phone bad. Would you believe it, he couldn’t find a single phone boot.
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Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?“The vessel with the pestle, has the potion with the lotion.” 

Answer: Court Jester

Danny Kaye as Hawkins. I’ve only seen this movie once, but I love this routine. The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from???? “I’m not a Roman … I’m a Red Sea pedestrian.”
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Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“I’m lost in a crowd, trying to find my way but the rain keeps falling down…doesn’t matter anyway.”   

Answer: BBMak

From “Out Of My Heart”, their first single from their new CD “Into Your Head.” 

Friday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000-2002 try and identify which song or which artist.“Said you act like you’re ready but you don’t really know, and everything in the past, you wanna let it go.”

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Thursday’s Quizzler is..
A Name Train is a puzzle where each name is connected together like box cars in a train. You are given the first car (the Engine) and the last car (the caboose), and you have to fill in the car or cars in between. Every two consecutive cars will form a name of a person or character. Joan [ ] Li. The answer is Joan Jet Li (Joan Jet-Female singer, Jet Li-Actor) Ready? OK here goes:

1. Matthew [ ] Mason
2. Bruce [ ] Majors
3. Larry [ ] [ ] Fonda
4. Ashley [ ] [ ] Mandela
5. Rick [ ] [ ] [ ] Luther

ANSWER:1. Matthew Perry Mason
2. Bruce Lee Majors
3. Larry King Henry Fonda
4. Ashley Judd Nelson Mandela
5. Rick James Dean Martin Luther

Friday’s Quizzler is…  

Each sentence below contains a word that can be anagrammed to answer or describe the sentence.

Example: Craft that might tip in the ocean. Answer: Canoe (Anagram of ocean)

1. Bit of brush
2. Opposite of unite
3. Writings of a steno
4. They affix without paste
5. Having less reason for fears
6. Animal that may need a shoer

Excerpted from an old Reader’s Digest 

 TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! GREAT JOB FOR THE WEEK! ANDREA!

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Answers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman @ eucstraman@hotmail.com. YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE EUCMAN’S DAILY BLOG ONLINE@ https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/