WELCOME to Thursday, March 3, 2011.Each Man Gives a Story….

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”

So the first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell — but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.”

“That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

“It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.”

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

“Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding inside a refrigerator…”

Hey I’m just saying! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

q u o t e s o f t h e d a y

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
Woody Allen

Another such victory, and we are undone.
Pyrrhus

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
Mae West

As the poet said, “Only God can make a tree” – probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no lies.
Oliver Goldsmith

Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
David Brent

Bart, stop pestering Satan!
Marge Simpson

Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Homer Simpson

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be in my bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.
Woody Allen

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

G u a r a n t e e d t o m a k e y o u l a u g h

A director is screen testing Sylvestor Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classic composers. Not having figured out who to give which part to, he asks Sly who he would like to be. Stallone says “I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart” So the Director says, “Very well, you can be Mozart” Then he turns to Arnie and says “Arnie, who would you like to play ?” And Arnie says “Ah’ll be Bach!”
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Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer?What movie is this quote from???‘I don’t tip.”You don’t tip?”I don’t tip because society says I have to.”’ 

Answer: Reservoir Dogs

From the famous restaurant scene

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! ‘How much movie trivia can you answer? What movie is this quote from??? ‘He confided in me before he ran out of breath.’

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Wednesday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2000 -2002, try and identify which song or which artist.“Her face is a map of the world, you can see she’s a beautiful girl”?.

Answer: KT Tunstall

In 2006, this song was everywhere! KT Tunstall did a fantastic job with “Suddenly I See.” It’s from her CD, “Acoustic Extravaganza.” 

Thursday’s Crazy Song Definitions, This quiz features popular songs from 2003-2007 try and identify which song or which artist. “You know the devil’s water it ain’t so sweet, you don’t have to drink right now, but you can dip your feet in every once in a little while”.

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Wednesday’s Quizzler is..

Fill in the answers to the clues by using all the syllables. The number to be used is in parentheses.

BOG BRA DO EX GAN GNA LA MEN MENT NA NA O PERT SA TO TOR TOUR VO

1. Baked pasta dish (3)
2. Forewarning (2)
3. Long sled (3)
4. Well done! (2)
5. Master (2)
6. Athletic competition (3)
7. Twister (3)

Answer: 1. Lasagna (la sa gna), 2. Omen (o men), 3. Toboggan (to bog gan)
4. Bravo (bra vo), 5. Expert (ex pert), 6. Tournament (tour na ment), 7. Tornado (tor na do)

Thursday’s Quizzler is…

You are in a room that is an 8x8x8 perfect cube. There are no windows, or doors (don’t ask me how you got in there!) In the center of the floor there is a 12 inch pipe that is sticking 6 inches out of the floor. In the bottom of the pipe is a ping pong ball with a diameter that is one millimeter smaller than the inner diameter of the pipe. You have a 12 inch piece of string, a match, a magnifying glass, a 6″ ruler and a paper clip. How do you get the ping pong ball out of the hole?

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