Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, June 5, 2017.             
Movies Things 101……
1. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
2. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
3. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
4. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
5. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
6. A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
7. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
8. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
9. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
10. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
11. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
12. A cup of black coffee or a splash of cold water in the face is enough to render the most inebriated person stone cold sober.
13. If you try hard enough, you can outrun an explosion.
14. If you stick your head out of cover during a gun fight, it will never be hit, especially if you look backwards to hold a conversation with someone behind you.
15. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned partners who are their total opposite.
16. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
17. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
18. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
AND that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and
threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.'” -Paula Poundstone
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s
called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather–who died peacefully in his sleep.
Not screaming in terror–like all the passengers in his car.”
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
Three elderly doctors have been friends for many years, and one afternoon at the club they started talking about their final arrangements.
The first, a dentist, says, “When I die, I think I’d like my tombstone to be shaped like a tooth made of white marble.”
“That’s a very clever idea,” says the cardiologist, “I’d love my tombstone to be shaped like a heart in red marble.”
The urologist is silent for a bit, then says, “I’m thinking about having my ashes scattered.”😁😎
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘How do you know I won’t be seeing what you’re seeing, in court!’
ANSWER: Being John Malkovich! One of the most twisted films of the 90s,
‘Being John Malkovich’ was a great piece of cinematic creativity and intellect.
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Now if you do good, you’ll see me one more time. If you do bad, you’ll see me two more times.’
Friday’s Quizzler is………. 
At a train station in Sydney, Australia, an intelligent rich man was awaiting his upper class rail transport. He was sorting through his wallet and pulled out credit cards, receipts, and $200 in cash.
An egotistical scam artist (and a talented one at that) approached the man and said to him, “I’ll bet you, on all the money in your wallet, that I can get a packet of chips out of that snack machine without inserting any money!”
The rich man, who was intrigued by this ‘talent’, readily agreed.
The scam artist walked over to the snack dispenser, stuck his hand up through the compartments, and a chip packet fell out.
The rich man was amazed, but being a faithful businessman, stuck to his word, yet the scam artist walked off without a penny.
ANSWER: The rich man had already removed all the money and items from his wallet before he made the bet.
Therefore, when he gave the scammer all the money in his wallet, it totaled $0!
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) punched when starting work & discussion about scaling a mountain
2) a container of fibs & a shortage of baked goods
3) hasty vacation & prank gibe
4) a mongoose & artificial precipitation
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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