WELCOME to Tuesday, June 6, 2017.
Real Life vs. Movies…..
Movies: The hero calmly walks away without flinching as the building explodes behind him.
Real life: You totally crap yourself when a car backfires behind you.
Movies: The hero takes a bullet to the shoulder, winces, pours whiskey on the wound and cuts the bullet out with his knife.
Real life: You get a paper cut, cry like a schoolgirl, and demand worker’s comp.
Movies: Spectacular super slo-mo action.
Real life: What the hell just happened?
Movies: The plumber is young, handsome, tan, and snakes your pipes in return for “snaking your pipes.”
Real life: The plumber looks like Ernest Borgnine after an all-night bender and charges $150 to walk in the door.
Movies: The tough cowboy bursts through the swinging doors of the Main Street Saloon and serves up some justice to the bad guy who’s been running roughshod over the townspeople by brute force.
Real life: The waiter bursts through the swinging doors of the Wall Street kitchen and serves up some caviar crepes with truffle pesto sauce to bad guy who’s been running roughshod over the townspeople by loot force.
Movies: You finally find the inner fortitude to uppercut the school bully, sending him into a punchbowl and/or cake.
Real life: Years later, you find yourself serving the same bully punch and/or cake.
Movies: When you deliver a pizza, you’re greeted at the door by shapely horny women who invite you in for the ultimate fantasy.
Real life: When you deliver a pizza, you’re greeted at the door by a fantasy baseball league.
Movies: Hottie behind the register at Victoria’s Secret flashes a little cleavage, and beckons him to the back room.
Real life: Scotty behind the register at Costco flashes a little man-boob, and asks if he can bum a smoke off you out back.
Movies: The hero always slides the back of two fingers down the pretty girl’s cheek and says, “You know how the game is played, don’t you sweetie?”
Real life: You try it once and HR gets involved.
Movies: Boy gets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back.
Real life: Boy loses girl, boy loses another girl, boy tries boy, boy loses boy, too.
Movies: Johnny Depp is a quasi-effeminate, usually drunk swashbuckling pirate who can somehow sleep with any woman he wants.
Real life: Johnny Depp is a quasi-effeminate, moderately talented actor who can somehow sleep with any woman he wants.
Movies: James Bond deftly clips the correct wire and defuses the terrorist-rigged nuclear bomb, saving an entire city.
Real life: You attempt to change a fuse in your basement and inadvertently cause a city-wide blackout.
Movies: Everyone around you at the bus stop breaks into song.
Real life: You’re dangerously close to get your butt kicked because you’re the only one singing, geek.
Movies: Shy, gawky dude with indefatigable charm and quirky foibles wins over heroine’s heart, marries her, and lives happily ever after.
Real life: You’re 47 and spend your time playing World of Warcraft in your parents’ basement.
Movies: The hooker has a heart of gold.
Real life: The “hooker” has a badge of gold.
Real life: Adam Sandler is probably kind of funny.
Real life: $8 buys a year’s worth of popcorn.
AND that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“One of the winners of this year’s Scripps National Spelling Bee has an older brother who won the competition in 2014. Or as their dad put it, ‘I’m just going to throw these baseball mitts away.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“People have been selling fake parking spaces. They charge people to park in spots that they have no ownership of. Here’s a tip to avoid becoming a victim of this fraud. If you find a parking space during the festival, it’s a scam.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“A new study shows that young adults suffering from insomnia are at higher risk of a stroke. So, that information should help you finally get some sleep.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said,
“Johnny what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m gonna have a wife!”😐😁😎
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Now if you do good, you’ll see me one more time. If you do bad, you’ll see me two more times.’
ANSWER: Mulholland Dr. One of the best films of the decade, and also ranked one of the
best films director David Lynch ever made, ‘Mulholland Dr.’ holds a hallmark of mystery and drama.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A spoonerism is a pair of words that can have their initial sounds switched to form new words. The pairs need only sound the same, not necessarily be spelled the same (power saw & sour paw, horse cart & coarse heart). There may sometimes be one or two connecting words (kick the stone & stick the cone, king of the rats & ring of the cats). Given the following definitions, what are the spoonerisms?
1) punched when starting work & discussion about scaling a mountain
2) a container of fibs & a shortage of baked goods
3) hasty vacation & prank gibe
4) a mongoose & artificial precipitation
ANSWER: 1) time clock & climb talk 2) pack of lies & lack of pies 3) quick trip & trick quip 4) snake foe & fake snow
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
If you multiply together the number of fingers on one person’s right hand to another person’s to another person’s till you get the product of the fingers on the right hands of everyone in the world, what is the most likely product?
For instance, one person has 5 fingers, and his friend has 5 fingers. The product is 25. Another person with 5 fingers would make the product 125. This goes on till everyone’s finger number is multiplied.
What’s the answer?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! WAY2 CASH OUT BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇😎
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/