Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Friday, July 7, 2017.                        
The Woman Code (I found this on the internet….very interesting)
Invite a man to go shopping with you only if you need someone to carry your packages or drive.
When your man asks you what’s wrong, say “Nothing.” However, when Oprah, Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura asks you, go into excruciating detail. Leave nothing out.
The negative effects of cheese puffs and chocolate-chocolate chip ice cream are offset by the positive effects of diet soda.
Feet are flexible and can be made to fit into shoes varying from size 7 to 9, depending on what’s on sale.
You can skimp on clothes, but a good bra is worth its weight in gold. (That’s Victoria’s secret.)
The Patricia Principle: The more you’ve been trying to attract the attention of a particular man, the more likely it is that you’ll run into him when you’re sweaty, short of sleep, without makeup, wearing house-painting clothes, with your hair in a bandana.
The best response to a married man who’s hitting on you is, “Say, don’t I know your wife?”
Learn how to say “Back off” very loudly and look fierce while you say it.
Let every new man in your life know that you’ve got a black belt in karate.
Make friends with your hormones. They’re what make you colorful and unpredictable. If other people have a hard time with that, that’s their problem.
When you hear your mother’s words coming out of your mouth, shut your mouth. Unless your mother was really wise.
When in doubt, say no.
No matter how much they fight it, all men need a woman to organize their lives and their closets and tell them what kind of hair products to use.
Consider yourself a sculptor and your man a block of marble. Chip away until you have created someone you can live with. He’ll thank you. Later.
Always remember: Inside the biggest, burliest, most macho man lives an ego as delicate and fragile as a baby chick making its first venture outside the egg.
Laugh at a man at your own peril.
The only women who look good first thing in the morning are the women who don’t know how to put on makeup.
When splitting a dinner check with girlfriends, it’s perfectly acceptable to take out a calculator.
If you drop your girlfriends as soon as you have a boyfriend, you will live to regret your decision.
Food eaten while preparing other food has no calories.
When consumed for its antioxidant properties, dark chocolate has less fat than broccoli.
It’s a medical fact that some women gain weight although they eat only salads.
It’s another medical fact that too much lettuce can lead to depression.
Women who never binge have no souls.
Only a masochist weighs herself the day after a binge.
Ditto anyone who looks at herself naked in a three-way mirror.
Even Angelina Jolie has some part of her body she hates.
Falling in love is a sure way to lose five pounds.
Getting dumped is a sure way to gain 10.
Nothing is sweeter than finding out that the cute boy who dumped you in the 12th grade lives in his mother’s basement.
Except going to your high school reunion and seeing that the prom queen shops at Lane Bryant.
Black really does make you look thinner.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
–Kurt Vonnegut

“Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.”
–W. C. Fields

“If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.”
–Mel Brooks

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….  
 Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, “That’s the first time I’ve ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.”😐
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
 “Meet me in Saint Louie, Louie, meet me at the fair…”
ANSWER: Meet Me In St. Louis! Starring Judy Garland (Esther), Margaret O’Brian (Tootie),
and Lucille Bremer (Rose). At one point or another, all of the characters sing this. 
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“I’ll have what she’s having…”
Thursday’s Quizzler is………. 
What is represented with this rebus?
ANSWER: More often than not!  
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
I am periodically the number 79. Long ago some attempted to make me from 29, but learned it couldn’t be done. If you add me to 80 I appear to be 47 temporarily.
What am I?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at


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