WELCOME to Thursday, August 17, 2017.
- Father : A banker provided by nature.
2. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
3. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
4. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
5. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early
6. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
7. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
8. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
9. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
10. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
11. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
12. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
13. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
14. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
15. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
16. Glibido: All talk and no action.
17. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
18. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidental ly walked through a spider web.
19. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
20. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“The American Academy of Pediatrics has suggested that people under the age of 18
should be banned from tanning salons. Parents that take their kids to tanning salons
should be banned from parenting.” -Jimmy Fallon
“In Virginia someone broke into a man’s apartment, cleaned it, and took nothing.
Completely cleaned the place. Police are describing the suspect as his mother.” -Conan O’Brien
“According to a new report, by 2050, the world’s oceans will contain more plastic trash
than fish. So the next time you get dumped, remember: There’s plenty of trash in the sea.” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”
“Sir, you stepped away from the counter,” said the cashier. “We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank.”
“Well, ok,” answered the customer. “Just thought you’d like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.”
Wedesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“No, no my dear. You will burn in Hell. But not I, for I am King…ordained by God!”
ANSWER: The Man In The Iron Mask! Wonderful King Louis tells this to his supposed love after Christine tells him that she feels guilty about being with Louis and not her true love Raoul.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“I’d like to thank the academy…Thank you, thank you.”
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Aviva was planning to take a trip around the world. She liked names that were similar to hers,
so she made a list of places she would like to visit.
However, one of these places doesn’t belong. Which one is it?
Daba Qabad, Somalia
Krape Park, United States
ANSWER: Ilokano, Polynesia. The rest of the places are palindromes, like her name.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Each group of three definitions describes three words that are spelled the same, except for one letter
(each group describes a different set of words). Example: king, ring, wing.
1a) an Old Norse poem
1b) a wheel spoke
1c) an unusually small animal
2a) to give way
2b) a pasture
2c) to handle
3a) a small territorial division of a country
3b) an artillery piece
3c) a deep valley with high steep sides
4a) a hut
4b) to strike with surprise or horror
4c) a husk
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/