Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, August 21, 2017.         
Rules for ensemble playing……………

  1. A wrong note played timidly is a wrong note. A wrong note played with authority is an interpretation.
 2.  When everyone else has finished playing, you should not play any notes you have left. If you have notes left over, please play them on the way home.
 3.  If you play a wrong note, give a nasty look to one of your partners.
 4.  Everyone should play the same piece.
 5.  Happy are those who have not perfect pitch, for the kingdom of music is theirs.
 6.  Carefully tune your instrument before playing. That way you can play out of tune all night with a clear conscience.
 7.  Stop at every repeat sign, and discuss in detail whether to take the repeat. The audience will love this a lot!
 8.  If you are completely lost, stop everyone and say, “I think we should tune.”
 9.  If everyone gets lost except you, follow those who get lost.
10. Markings for slurs, dynamics and ornaments should not be observed. They are only there to embellish the score.
11. Take your time turning pages.
12. If the ensemble has to stop because of you, explain in detail why you got lost. Everyone will be very interested.
13. If a passage is difficult, slow down. If it’s easy, speed it up. Everything will work itself out in the end.
14. The right note at the wrong time is a wrong note (and vice versa).
15. A true interpretation is realized when there remains not one note of the original.
16. Strive to get the maximum NPS (notes per second). That way you gain the admiration of the incompetent.
17. Keep your fingering chart handy. You can always catch up with the others.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
“A new study has found that being good-looking can hurt a man’s career because the people in charge of hiring see attractive men as a threat. So if you’re a man who was recently hired for a new job, congratulations. You’re hideous.” -James Corden
“Experts in Israel are trying to re-create a wine used in the time of Jesus. Apparently,
all they need is some water and Jesus.” -Conan O’Brien
“Costco has to pay Tiffany’s $19 million for selling 2,500 fake Tiffany rings. Husbands don’t know what’s worse, having to tell their wife her ring ISN’T from Tiffany, or that it IS from Costco. ‘I’ve got bad news and worse news…'” -Jimmy Fallon
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a sharp,
three-piece tunic. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said the first one.
“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.
And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.
“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”
“Sounds good to me,” said the first woman.
But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”
The wise King did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.
“But she was willing to hew him in two!” exclaimed the King’s court.
“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”😐

  

   

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
“You know the problem with being smart? You know everything in advance, there’s no suspense in life.”
ANSWER: Bandits! This was said by Billy Bob Thornton’s character in the movie, Terry. 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
“Gates tries to blackmail me, you ask me ‘Did I miss anything.’ Gates gets killed, you say ‘Did I miss anything. ‘ I bet you went up to Mrs. Lincoln at the Ford Theatre and said ‘How was the show? Did I miss anything?'”
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
What is this well known phrase?
NN
OO
II
SS
AA
CC
CC
OO
EE
HH
TT
ANSWER: Rising to the occasion (Rising two ‘the occasion’)

  
 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….    
Find five geographical terms by adding one of the given letters to each word and rearranging the letters. Each letter will be used only once.
F I O P Y
1. Steep + ? =
2. Raven + ? =
3. Store + ? =
4. Along + ? =
5. Serge + ? =
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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