WELCOME to Thursday, August 24, 2017.
Thursday’s Really Bad Punography….
I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason… details are sketchy.
What is the name of an Asian pilot who died in a plane crash? Sum Ting Wong.
My mate broke his left arm and left leg, but he was alright.
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
What do you have to do to have a party in space? You have to Planet.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.
I threw an Asian man down a flight of stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was overbooked.
My pencil is gone. It’s pointless though.
What was Forrest Gump’s email password? “1forrest1”
I’m taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.
Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I’m excited to see how they turn out.
I’ve just written a song about tortillas – actually, it’s more of a rap.
I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.
My math teacher called me average. How mean!
I am so poor I can’t even pay attention.
Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean? A: Nothing, they just waved.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
“A new study came out that reveals some dangerous side effects from childbirth.
The dangerous side effects women suffer include pelvic injuries, muscle tears, and children.” -Conan O’Brien
“A new poll found that women in America are angrier about current events than men.
And if you want to make them even angrier, just tell them they seem angry.” -Jimmy Fallon
“The jackpot is up to an enormous sum. Playing the Powerball is a great way to spend
quality time with strangers outside gas stations.” -Jimmy Kimmel
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
One day in the army I was assigned KP duty. I reported to the Mess Hall and was told by
the sergeant in charge that he wanted me to make 100 gallons of soup for tonight’s dinner. I told him I didn’t know how to make soup. He handed me a book and told me to follow the directions carefully.
A couple hours later I had a large kettle of soup simmering. The sergeant came up and
tasted the soup. He took a second spoonful and stood there staring at me. I thought I had
really messed up the soup and was waiting for a reprimand.
Instead he said, “This tastes good… are you sure you followed the recipe?”😐
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
“You know the part in horror movies when somebody does something really stupid, and everybody hates him for it? This is it.”
ANSWER: Jeepers Creepers! This was the part where Darry was going to look into the pipe, and his sister Trish didn’t want him to because she thought that he was going to actually go down the pipe. Well, he ended up falling anyway
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘That bowling ball said ‘hoof’ to that darn windshield!’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
These seemingly “nonsense” words have pairs of opposites in them. For example:
lshoorntg would be “Long /Short” (LshOorNtG). If you’ve noticed, the letters in the words are always in the same order. Get the idea? Great! Now try these!
1) Water/Fire: WfATEireR
2) Ground/Sky: GRsOkUyND
3) Rich/Poor: RpoIoCrH
4) Freeze/Boil: FRbEoiEZlE
5) Pen/Pencil: PpENeCInL
6) Woman/Man: WmaOMnAN
7) Light/Dark: LdaIGrHkT
8) Over/Under: OunVdERer
9) Clean/Dirty: CdiLrEAtNy
10) Right/Wrong: RIwrGoHngT
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
After some relaxing, the Seekers of Knowledge received a gift from an anonymous person. The gift was a magical scroll case that had 12 gemstones on it. The Seekers were a bit shocked at the elegance of the scroll case as they knew it was very expensive.
There was a catch with it. They had no idea how to open it. As they looked over the scroll case with amazement, suddenly a magic mouth appeared before them and said, “The code to open this scroll case is hidden within the stones; you must press each stone in the proper order to open it.” The magic faded out.
The stones are in this order on the scroll case: Turquoise, Diamond, Opal, Aquamarine, Topaz, Emerald, Moonstone, Garnet, Sapphire, Amethyst, Ruby, Peridot.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS, MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORKS BANKS! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/