Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, August 28, 2017.           
More Pondering….. 
  1. If practice makes perfect & nobody’s perfect, why practice?
2. Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God….I could be eating a slow learner.
3. What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
4. Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
5. What does “it” mean in the sentence “What time is it?”?
6. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
7. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
8. When someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, can that be considered a hostage situation?
9. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
10. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
11. Why do they call it “common sense” when it’s so rare?
12. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
13. If you get corn oil by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil?
14. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
15. If electricity comes from electrons does it mean morality comes from morons?
16. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
17. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
20. If God didn’t want us to eat people, why did he make them out of MEAT?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…
“A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest,
he said, ‘I’ve been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?’ Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio.” -James Corden
“A New Jersey restaurant is offering a special menu this month that doesn’t list prices,
but instead asks customers to pay what they think is fair. According to the sign in the window, the restaurant is called ‘This Space for Rent.'” -Seth Meyers
“China just installed new public bathrooms in Beijing that actually offer Wi-Fi. Yeah, a
Wi-Fi-enabled bathroom. Or as we call that here in America, Starbucks.'” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip.
To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.
“Could that have been a tip?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory.
“Yep,” he replied proudly. “not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!”😐

  

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
  ‘I’m the Milky Way Man and I know everything!’
ANSWER: Addicted to Love! Matthew Broderick’s character said this to his ex-girl’s
new french boyfriend about how he knew what was going on. 
 
Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘Life is like a record. . . it goes around and around.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….   
Each statement describes two words that when fused together create a new unrelated word (not a compound word). The clues do not necessarily indicate in which order the two words are attached. Example: This is the oldness of a tablet (pill + age = pillage).
1) This is a child of the ocean.
2) This is when an insect runs away to get married.
3) This is the monotone melody of a writing instrument.
4) This is the charge for setting a fractured bone.
 
ANSWER: 1) sea + son = season  2) ant + elope = antelope  3) pen + chant = penchant  4) cast + rate = castrate 
 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….    

I can help you have some fun,
Sometimes I get stronger from the sun.
If you never give me a break,
You will find I may never again wake.
I am optimistic on one side,
I can be short, fat, tall, or wide.
Rectangle, cylinder are just a couple of my shapes,
And maybe I can even help you make some videotapes.
Sometimes you have to wait long for me to get ready,
Just hold on for a few hours and be steady.
I can help you get around to the market or mall,
and even help you make a call.
What am I?😎

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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