Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday, August 29, 2017.           
Even More Pondering…. 
  1. Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
2. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
3. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
4. Psychics never win the lottery. Why is that?
5. How can two space ships meeting always face the right way up in Sci-Fi movies?
6. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
7. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
8. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
9. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
10. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
11. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
12. If you blame someone for your failures, do you credit them for your achievements?
13. If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
14. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
15. How come everyone’s going so slow if it’s called rush hour?
16. Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker??
17. Why do we chop a tree “down” and then chop it “up”?
18. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
19. Why do we wash BATH TOWELS; aren’t we clean when we use them?
20. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

“Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies
at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as ‘single.'” -Seth Meyers
“For a lot of children, the party known as summer is over. Don’t worry, kids. School will end eventually and then you’ll get to go to a different kind of school called work, and it only ends when you get old and die.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“In Saudi Arabia, a 14-year-old boy was detained for dancing to the Macarena. You know, I don’t say this often but I’m going to side with the Saudi government on this one.” -Conan O’Brien
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase some supplies. The machines’ conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin for workers with noise-induced tension headaches.
I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin. As the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my purchases, he laughed and exclaimed, “Must be one heck of a baby!”😎


Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Life is like a record. . . it goes around and around.’
ANSWER: Empire Records! This is said at the end of the movie during the credits.
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
  ‘How can you put a limit on trust?’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
I can help you have some fun,
Sometimes I get stronger from the sun.
If you never give me a break,
You will find I may never again wake.
I am optimistic on one side,
I can be short, fat, tall, or wide.
Rectangle, cylinder are just a couple of my shapes,
And maybe I can even help you make some videotapes.
Sometimes you have to wait long for me to get ready,
Just hold on for a few hours and be steady.
I can help you get around to the market or mall,
and even help you make a call.
What am I?😎
ANSWER: A battery.

1. Batteries are found in many gaming systems and other devices that can be used to have fun. Some batteries are charged using solar energy.
2. This is referring to when you use a battery for a long time and don’t turn it off, its power may begin to drain.
3. This is referring to the fact that one side of a battery is positive thus optimistic. A battery can come in many sizes.
4. Rectangle and cylinder are just 2 shapes among many that a battery can come in. Batteries can be found in video cameras which help make videotapes.
5. Some batteries take long periods of time to charge so you need to be patient.
6. Cars use batteries which can help you get to different places. Batteries can be found in phones which are used to make calls.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    

In the following sentence, fill in the blanks with three words that are the same except for their first letters.
The ___ would ___ ___ with soap than with body wash.


LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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