Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday, September 5, 2017.              
Helpful Guide to Female Golfing Terms…
Caddy: 2 women talking about a 3rd, who isn’t there to defend herself.
Chip: Time to get our nails done again.
Double Bogie: ‘Casablanca’ followed by ‘African Queen’.
Fairway: Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
Good lie: Weight on our driver’s license.
Greens: Lunch we eat when you’d really prefer a cheeseburger.
Iron: What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
Rough: Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much anything.
Slice: No thanks … just a small portion.
Par: The children’s grandfather.
Birdie: Another attractive female golfer.
Wood: Where you can find a ball.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

When our ship stopped in the Atlantic Ocean for a ‘swim call,’ the chief boatswain noticed how nervous I was. “Don’t worry,” he assured me. “You are never more than three miles from land.” Then he added, “Straight down.”
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
When we decided to sell our house, we nailed “FOR SALE BY OWNER” signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. “How much do you want for the trees?” a young man asked. 😐
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: “There is no easy way to say this so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year.”
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the Tarot reader’s gaze, steadied her voice and asked, “Will I get away with it?”😐😱


Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘What about it pretzel man, what’s your story?’
ANSWER: The Usual Suspects! Hockney says this to Verbal when they are all locked
up in the jail cell trying to figure out who hijacked the truck.   
Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
 ‘So I’m single now, everything’s changed. . . I hate it!’
Monday’s Quizzler is……….   
I am a solitary word, 5 letters long.
Behead me, and I am still the same.
Behead me again, and I am still the same.
What word am I?😎
ANSWER: Alone.

Behead me and I am Lone.
Behead me again and I am One.
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….    

Mischievous Casey is delighted when people write her name incorrectly. She sounds so sincere as she very carefully spells it out: “C for chaos, A for arpeggio, S for scenery, E for empty, Y for ____.”
Which of the following words is she most likely to select to help with ‘Y’?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/


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