WELCOME to Friday, October 20, 2017.
REALLY BAD ONE LINERS 4 THE WEEKEND…..
What lies on the ocean bed and is twitching uncontrollably? A nervous wreck.
I’ve seen this show about beavers last night – best dam documentary I’ve ever seen!”
I dig, you dig, she dig, we dig, you dig…the poem may not be beautiful, but it’s certainly very deep.
Why do mathematicians tend to marry larger women? Because they like curves.
You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.
Where do cows like to go in their spare time? In the Muuuuuuseum.
Do you know how they make holy water? They boil the hell out of it!
Velcros are just a big rip-off.
I asked my boss if I can come to work a little late today. He said “Dream on.” I think that was really nice of him.
One pen to the other: You are INKredible.
Two wi-fi antennas got married last Saturday. The reception was fantastic.
Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I.
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
I was trying to catch some fog earlier but I mist.
Why did the octopus blush? He’d just seen the bottom of the ocean!!!!
Why does Peter Pan fly all the time? He Neverlands.
Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors? There are too many bugs.
I’d love to know how the Earth rotates. It would totally make my day.
Why is the math book so sad? It’s got too many problems!
Have you heard about this dude who had to have his left leg and left arm amputated after a car crash? — He’s all right now.“
Nurse to a doctor: Doctor, here’s your list of heart, liver and kidney donors. I already sorted them
alphabetically. Doctor: Excellent job. Seriously well organ-ized.
Do you think that when Han Solo married Princess Leia, she demanded that he change his name to Han Married?
How do you organize a fantastic space party? You planet.
Why was the tomato all red? It saw the salad dressing.
A bacon sandwich walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. “Sorry,” growls the bartender, “we don’t serve food here.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
Love all, trust a few.
George Bernard Shaw
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
We need not think alike to love alike.
Middle age is youth without levity, and age without decay.
True friends stab you in the front.
A prudent question is one half of wisdom.
An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts.
A witty saying proves nothing.
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field
instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you,
you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”😎
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Why do I have to be Mr. Pink?’
ANSWER: Reservoir Dogs! Quentin Tarantino’s best flick, even better than ‘Pulp Fiction’ in many ways.
Fridays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Finally! A man who can satisfy two women at once!’
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
What James Bond Movie Titles do the following represent?
1) Crystals of C R Ever Ever Ever Ever.
2) Female Sheep reincarnated just once.
ANSWER: 1) Diamonds Are Forever ( Crystals of Carbon = Diamonds. Four x Ever)
2) You Only Live Twice ( Female Sheep = Ewe)
3) Goldfinger (Au is symbol for Gold and fingers are digits)
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
If you have played Might and Magic (a computer game), then you have encountered the Vowel-less Knights,
a strange group who speak without vowels. It is up to you to decipher what they are saying. In their tradition then, what are the following sayings?
1) shll rtrn.
2) Th sht hrd rnd th wrld.
3) Cm p nd s m smtm.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇🙇🙇🙇
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/