Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday, October 23, 2017.                   
A man’s translations….
These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say…
“IT’S A GUY THING”
Translated:* “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated:* “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”
Translated:* “I have no idea how it works.”
“TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.”
Translated:* “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
Translated:* “Are you still talking?”
“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
Translated:* “I remember the theme song to ‘Star Wars,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car
I’ve ever owned… but I forgot your birthday.”
“OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
Translated:* “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”
“HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.”
Translated:* “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
Translated:* “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
Translated:* “What did you catch me at?”
“I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
Translated:* “No one will ever see us alive again.”
“WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.”
Translated:* “I make the messes; she cleans them up.”
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and whatever you do,
don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES…
“A dog in Seattle is making news after commuters noticed it had been riding the bus to a
local park all by itself. Everyone says the dog is amazing, while the dog said, panicking,
‘I gotta find that blind guy. I’m in a lot of trouble if I don’t find him.” -Jimmy Fallon
“A study showed that every hour of TV you watch after the age of 25 shortens your life by 22 minutes. That doesn’t sound too bad to me. You’d probably watch TV with that 22 minutes anyway.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an
airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as ‘single.'” -Seth Meyers
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. 
A college student could not take his seminar final exam because of a funeral.
“No problem,” the teacher told him. “Make it up the following week.” That week came,
and again he couldn’t take the test due to another funeral.
“You’ll have to take the test early next week,” the professor insisted. “I can’t keep postponing it.”   “I’ll take the test next week if no one dies,” the undergrad replied.
By now I the instructor was suspicious. “How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?”
“I don’t know any of these people,” the student exclaimed. “But I’m the only gravedigger in town.”😐
Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘Finally! A man who can satisfy two women at once!’
ANSWER: Roxanne! Very funny remake of ‘Cyrano de Bergerac’ starring Steve Martin.

 

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

  ‘This town needs an enema!’
 
 
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
If you have played Might and Magic (a computer game), then you have encountered the Vowel-less Knights,
a strange group who speak without vowels. It is up to you to decipher what they are saying.
In their tradition then, what are the following sayings?
1) shll rtrn.
2) Th sht hrd rnd th wrld.
3) Cm p nd s m smtm.
ANSWER: 1) I shall return. Bonus: General MacArthur, when he left the Philippines. Side note: He did.

2) The shot heard around the world. Bonus: This phrase was used by the press of the day to describe the first time American soldiers fought the British, as the British troops marched through Lexington on their way to Concord, and history.
3) Come up and see me sometime.
Bonus: Mae West, arguably the most popular USO entertainer and pinup girl of WW2.

 

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
Can you decipher this common phrase?
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TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! NICE WORK BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇🙇🙇🙇
 
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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