WELCOME to Thursday, November 2, 2017.
Even More Punography…
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
Why is the Lone Ranger called ‘Lone’ if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
What was Captain Hook’s name before he got the hook?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They’re going to see you without your clothes on anyway.
Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don’t have toes?
If your driving a federal owned car, and you run a stop sign, is it considered a felony?
Why do people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every few hours?
Why is there a disclaimer on the Allstate Auto Insurance commercials that says “Not available in all states”?
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth, and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you are the main witness, what if you say “no”?
Do they bury people with their braces on?
How far east can you go before you’re heading west?
How does a real estate company sell its office without causing confusion?
Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
If, in a baseball game, the batter hits a ball splitting it right down the center with half the ball flying
out of the park and the other half being caught, what is the final ruling?
Do prison buses have emergency exits?
Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
When lightning strikes the ocean, why don’t all the fish die?
When two men get married to each other, do they both go to the same bachelor party?
If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack, should they save him?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Who was Sadie Hawkins?
Why do we sing “Rock a bye baby” to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
When crazy people walk through the forest, do they take the psycho path?
If parents say, “Never take candy from strangers” then why do we celebrate Halloween?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was
more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anaïs Nin
When you adopt the viewpoint that there is nothing that exists that is not part of you,
that there is no one who exists who is not part of you, that any judgment you make is
self-judgment, that any criticism you level is self-criticism, you will wisely extend to yourself an unconditional love that will be the light of the world. – Harry Palmer
When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving. – Kim McMillen
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no
one’s definition of your life, but define yourself. – Harvey Fierstein
The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours it is an amazing journey and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. – Bob Moawad
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the Crookhorn municipal golf course, England and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualising my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse tannoy: ‘WOULD THE GENTLEMAN ON THE WOMAN’S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN’S TEE PLEASE.’
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement rang out louder’, Would the MAN on the WOMEN’S tee kindly back up to the men’s tee.’
I simply ignored the request and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled’, Would the man on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee, PLEASE.’
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the microphone and shouted back’, Would the person in the clubhouse kindly stop shouting and let me play my second shot’😁😎
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘What’s your favorite scary movie?’
ANSWER: Scream! This is the question that the killer asked his victims when he called them on the phone.
Thursdays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??
‘Uh… Clark this is all you can eat, we only need one plate.’
Wednesday’s Quizzler is……….
Evil Tribbles may look cute, but they can really make a loud noise when they ROAR!!!
A 1-foot tall Green Evil Tribble can register 10 GSU (Galactic Sound Units) on a sound-measuring device
that is 5 feet away. Yellow Evil Tribbles are twice as loud, and Red Tribbles… THREE times as loud as their yellow counterparts!
So anyway, one day Spork the Vulcan was out doing a bit of maintenance on the exterior of the Space Station,
and before him he saw, to his fright, the biggest Evil Tribble he had ever seen. It was 5 feet high,
10 feet away and red! It looked straight at Spork, and gave the loudest ROAR it could!!!
How many GSU did Spork’s sound-measuring device register?
ANSWER: 0. The Tribble is on the outside of the Space Station and, because of the vacuum of space
and the lack of air molecules to carry the sound, the GSU will not register a sound from 10 feet away.
Thursday’s Quizzler is……….
Customer services at RightWrite headquarters received the following letter recently. Luckily their top puzzle solvers were able to determine the meaning and help Mrs Miggins. Can you work it out what her problem was?
ld lk cmlan ab h f m .
hs ls aa n k ccl.
As can s, hs ls a mssng fm hs dcmn.
ld b v gafl f cld cc hs blm fhh.
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO OUR RESIDENT GENIUS MS. ANDREA L. BANKS! 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙇🙇🙇🙇🙏🙅😁😎🙏
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/