Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday, November 27, 2017.                          
Church Bulletins………Really…..
For some reason, typos are funnier coming from Church.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They maybe seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in their creation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Don’t let worry kill you off; let the Church help.
Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope a long with the deceased person you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Really that’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people and 
whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES… “A piece of wedding cake from Donald and Melania Trump’s wedding is currently up for auction. The 12-year-old piece of cake is being marketed as a rare
collector’s item. This piece of cake is expected to go for over $1,000. What
a rip-off. If I want to eat a 12-year-old piece of cake, I’ll go to the liquor store
and buy some Twinkies like a normal person.” -James Corden
“I saw that one hundred years ago this month, Albert Einstein presented his theory
of General Relativity, which explains how gravity works. And it also marks the last
time someone actually meant it when they said, ‘Way to go, Einstein.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“Nestle is recalling its Hot Pockets Four Cheese Pizza Snack Bites due to misbranding.
They’ll be re-released with the corrected name, Scalding Hot Yet Somehow
Still Frozen in the Middle Pockets.” -Seth Meyers


G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.
I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk
said, “The plane is very full with baggage and passengers.” Then she asked, “How much do you weigh, sir?”
Not thinking clearly I answered, “With or without clothes?”
“Well,” said the clerk, “how do you intend to travel?” 😐😎


Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  
‘You’ve got me? Who’s got you?!’
ANSWER:  Superman! Said by Lois Lane after she has fallen from
the helicopter only to be rescued by Superman.


Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??  

‘The vessel with the pestle has the pellet of the poison, the flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……….
The stoic rabbit lives under the sea. Lamented bears took honey from a bee.
Let me now ask you: Can you find, in this little rhyming riddle sea creatures three?
ANSWER: Crab (stoiC RABbit)  Seal (the SEA Lamented)  Eel (bEE. Let)

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
What do the following words have in common?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAYS Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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