Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


WELCOME to Monday May 7, 2018.

What were the authors thinking?
The confidence in his smile… that smile that pulled me in like ice cream melting down a cone.
With  the broken sob of a candy mugged infant, Brett rolled across the bed  into the recently vacated hollow – a depression created by the recently  departed Maria.
Gerald  began – but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten  percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for  them “permanently” meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by  searing lava or suffocated by choking ash – to pee.
Danny,  the little Grizzly cub, frolicked in the tall grass on this sunny  Spring morning, his mother keeping a watchful eye as she chewed on a  piece of a hiker they had encountered the day before.
As he  stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg  carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold,  aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil  dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter  seven of the shop manual.
Racing through space at unimaginable speeds, Capt. Dimwell could only imagine how fast his spaceship was going.
When  Detective Riggs was called to investigate the theft of a trainload of  Native American fish broth concentrate bound for market, he solved the  case almost immediately, being that the trail of clues led straight to the trainmaster, who had both the locomotive and the Hopi tuna tea.
India, which hangs like a wet washcloth from the towel rack of Asia, presented  itself to Tex as he landed in Delhi (or was it Bombay?), as if it mattered because Tex finally had an idea to make his mark and fortune and that idea was a chain of steak houses to serve the millions and he wondered, as he deplaned down the steep, shiny, steel steps, why no one had thought of it before.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!


“I read that hoarding is getting worse in the U.S. and affects over 15 million Americans. Of course it might be higher now, ‘cuz I read that in a newspaper I’ve been saving since 2003.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A California man who police say was drunk and hungry broke into a Taco Bell this weekend in the middle of the night and ate taco ingredients. It’s one of those rare offenses where the punishment is the crime.” -Seth Meyers

“7-Eleven has announced they are going to be offering healthier options for their customers. The CEO said, ‘We want our customers to live to be as old as one of our hot dogs.'” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Leif Ericsson went off on his voyage, and a year later, his wife noticed that his name wasn’t on the village register anymore. 
She went to the village elders and said, you must have taken Leif off your census.😐😁 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

‘Allow myself to introduce…myself.’

ANSWER:Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery!

Mike Myers was playing Blackjack at a casino, and he tried to introduce himself and ended up pushing himself into a corner.
Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!
‘We’re on a mission from God.’
Friday’s Quizzler is……

For those of you who never played Might and Magic (a computer game), the Vowel-less Knights would always say something without vowels. It was up to you, the player, to figure out what they were saying. In their tradition, what are these famous quotes?

1) Spk sftl nd crr bg stck.

2) gv hm th whl nn yrds!

3) Nvr hv s fw gvn s mch fr s mn.

Answer:  1) Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Bonus: Theodore Roosevelt.

2) I gave him the whole nine yards!
Bonus: Fighter pilots would say this when they shot all 27 feet of ammunition at one target.

3) Never have so few given so much for so many.
Bonus: Winston Churchill, praising the British fighter pilots who won the Battle of Britain.

Monday’s Quizzler is……….
A Triple is a Series with 6 sets, each with 3 numbers apiece. The relationship between the first two numbers is the same throughout all of the sets, and the relationship between the last two numbers is also the same, however, it is different than the first relationship. Try and find the missing numbers:

2 5 10
3 10 20
4 17 34
5 __ __
_ 37 __
_ __ 100

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at

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