Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

e2f8778b4e16d02938cfa7e0696e4e3a

WELCOME to Tuesday May 22, 2018.

Laws of Life…..
* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick
up five items at the store and then you add one more as an
afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you
are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase
your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always
wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home
from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go
unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES...

“Starbucks has announced that its bathrooms will now be open to anyone who walks in,
regardless of whether they buy anything. Hold on, so they’re saying, this whole time
Starbucks hasn’t been a public bathroom? I didn’t even know.” -James Corden

“Employees at a Domino’s Pizza saved a customer’s life by checking on him after they didn’t hear from him, because he’s ordered a pizza every day for 10 years. No word on what was wrong with him, but I’m guessing it had something to do with ordering

a pizza every day for 10 years.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A federal judge ruled yesterday that California’s version of the death penalty is unconstitutional.  Apparently the difference is California’s version has avocado on it.” -Seth Meyers

 

  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?” The produce guy looked at me and said, “No, sir, you’ll have to do that yourself.” 😐😁

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Anybody not wearing two million sun block is gonna have a real bad day.”

ANSWER:

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Sarah Connor was the target for the first Terminator; in the sequel, which happened about ten years later, her son, John Connor, who was the future leader of the resistance, was the target for a newer, deadlier Terminator. Sarah said this on a video when she was admitted to the mental hospital.
Tuesdays Movie Trivia of the day!
“I’m packing your extra pair of shoes and your angry eyes!”
Monday’s Quizzler is……

Some people’s names (such as “Will Power”) suggest a certain personality or career choice. Given below are some last names and professions (in no particular order). For each last name, your task is to think of a common first name, such that it suggests one of the given professions. Each last name and profession must be used just once.
Example: Sonny Day would suggest a meteorologist.

Last Names: Ding, Flay, King, Lynn, Payne, Peace
Professions: Musician, Author, Chef, Comedian, Architect, Politician

The hint provides the first names.

Answer:  

Bill Ding – Architect (building)
Sue Flay – Chef (souffle)
Joe King – Comedian (joking)
Amanda Lynn – Musician (a mandolin) [also: Vi Lynn = violin]
Cam Payne – Politician (campaign)
Warren Peace – Author (“War and Peace”)
Tuesday’s Quizzler is……….
In this teaser, I have given you 4 words. Beside each word is a series of letter groupings. Your task is to find the answer to the word on the left by choosing one letter from each of the letter groups to the right of each clue.

Example:

Statuette: fro evi gse rpu lor nai ngd rep

Answer:

Fgo evI Gse rpU loR naI Ngd rEp = FIGURINE

1. Building: ant uhp yte alk ttr wrq ase
2. Kettledrum: qwt gig hjm klp all rnq tti
3. Image: ppo ghi kcl axt dug nrm eue
4. Music: sds fof uhk jnl dlk

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s