1. MARKETING – You are ambitious yet lack common sense. You chose a marketing  degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on  drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job  responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2. SALES – Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without  a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone  calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact  with customers so you can “concentrate on the big picture.” You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3. TECHNOLOGY – Unable to control anything in your personal life, you  are instead content to completely control everything that happens at  your workplace. Often even YOU don’t understand what you are saying but  who the hell can tell. It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.

4. ENGINEERING – One of only two signs that actually studied in school.  It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest “ergo dynamic” gadgets. However, we all know what is really  causing your “carpal tunnel syndrome.”

5. ACCOUNTING – The only other sign that studied in school. You are  mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in  the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the  majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.

6. HUMAN RESOURCES – Ironically, given your access to confidential  information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization.  Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you  are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7. MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT – Catty, cut-throat, yet completely  spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest  of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your  worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best  suited to marry other “Middle Managers” as everyone in you social circle is a “Middle Manager.”

8. SENIOR MANAGEMENT – (See above – Same sign, different title)

9. CUSTOMER SERVICE – Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab  ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you asked your  parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play “Customer Service.” Continually passed over for  promotions, your best bet is to have an affair with your manager.

10. CONSULTANT – Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced  yourself that your “skills” are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will  spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11. RECRUITER, “HEADHUNTER” – As a “person” that profits from the  success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work  for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations  in the stock market.

12. PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO – You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability  to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the  latter.

13. GOVERNMENT WORKER – Paid to take days off. Government workers are  genius inventors, like the invention of new Holidays. They usually  suffer from deep depression or anxiety and usually commit serious crimes while on the job… Thus the term “GO POSTAL”