by eucman

Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday June 4, 2018.

Once  again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering  courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and  females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the  following is required.

1. Combatting Stupidity

2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. Resistance to Beer

4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)

6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)

9. Get A Life – Learn To Cook

10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong

11. Spelling – Even You Can Get It Right

12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13. You, The Weaker Sex

14. Reasons To Give Flowers

15. Garbage – Getting It To The Curb

16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please

17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat

18. Give Me A Break – Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies

19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost

20. The Remote Control – Overcoming Your Dependency

21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes

22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too

23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous

24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver

26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home

27. Attainable Goal – Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary

28. You Don’t Really Need That Porsche 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
DAILY QUOTES...

“The Centers for Disease Control reports that 80 percent of public swimming pools they
investigated have health and safety violations. 80 percent! The study concluded with
‘enjoy your Memorial Day weekend.'” -Conan O’Brien

“A study by the Pew Research Center determined that more millennials between the ages

of 18 and 34 are living with their parents than at any other point in history. Millennials were happy to take the poll, while their parents were proud of them for finishing the poll.” -James Corden

“After being arrested for crashing his car into a shopping mall, a Florida man explained to police that he was trying to time-travel. Which is crazy. If you want to travel 50 years

into the future, just leave Florida.” -Seth Meyers

  

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

“Are you all right?” my seatmate on the plane asked, after noticing tears roll down my cheeks.

“I’m flying my husband’s ashes home for burial,” I explained, “and it just struck me that this will be our last trip together.”

“I know how you feel,” she said. “I had my horse for 20 years and just put him to sleep last week.” 😐

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

Courtney: “Darcy thinks she should get captain ’cause her dad pays for everything.”
Whitney: “He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.”

ANSWER: Bring It On!
“Bring It On” was a movie about a championship high school cheerleading squad that discovered that its previous captain, Big Red, had stolen all of their best routines from another school. They had to create a new routine to compete in the

championships. This movie starred Kirsten Dunst who played the new captain, Torrance Shipman, and Eliza Dushku who played Missy Pantone, who was a new student at the school. This quote was said when the cheerleading squad was trying to decide on the new captain.

Mondays Movie Trivia of the day!
“I was robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart.”

Friday’s Quizzler is……
Solve the 10 clues. Take each initial letter, to form a new 10 letter word.

1. Polite greeting
2. Opposite of begin
3. It comes from a bulb
4. Eskimo’s home
5. Another name for an axe (or ax)
6. Black Sabbath front man
7. Where a child may play
8. Large vessel for liquids
9. To change something
10. Neither left, nor wrong

Answer: 
HELICOPTER

1. Hello
2. End
3. Light
4. Igloo
5. Chopper
6. Ozzy (Osborne)
7. Park
8. Tank
9. Edit
10. Righ

Friday’s Quizzler is……….
Johnny was given 16 coins by his older, somewhat meaner brother, Mark. He told him that he could keep them all if he could place all 16 on the table in such a way that they formed 15 rows with 4 coins in each row. After 10 minutes, Johnny walked away with the coins and Mark, after complaining futilely to his mother, left with nothing.How did Johnny place the coins?
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

 

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