Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday June 11, 2018.

Caffeine Addict’s Quiz…….

Do you want to know if you suffer from “Alertness Deficit  Disorder” (ADD)? Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will  help us to determine whether or not you suffer from this terrible  affliction; the only known cure for which is caffeine. ADD takes the  lives of millions of Americans, hundreds of Canadians, and a handful of  Ugandans every year. If that doesn’t scare you, let’s just say that you  are more susceptible
than anyone else. YES, YOU! If you suffer from this  disease, missing just one trip to Starbucks could be FATAL. The  following series of Yes/No questions will allow us to determine your  Addiction Factor(TM).
Keep track of the number of Yes and No answers you  get and chart yourself at the end.
Remember: Prevention is the best  medicine. Or was it laughter? Either way, read on.

1. Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?

2. Do you eat spoonfuls of instant coffee because it’s easier?

3. Have you ever woken up in a puddle of your own coffee?

4. Do you find that it’s easier to drink more coffee than go to sleep?

5. a) Have you ever drunk cold coffee? b) Right out of the pot?

6. Do you spend more than 20% of your income on coffee and/or coffee related products?

7. Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?

8. Has anyone ever told you that you “have a problem”?

9. Do you need coffee: a) …to get up in the morning?
b) …to get out of bed? c) …to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?

10. Do you own a “Coffee Helmet”? (For the culturally ignorant, a  coffee- helmet is a hat with coffee-cups attached to it and a straw  coming out of each cup leading to the mouth, used for hands-free  drinking.)

11. Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples call you “Ona mac towanda” (Smells-like- coffee)?

12. Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the Richter scale as well as by its frequency?

13. Have you ever sold personal or other people’s possessions just to get your fix for the day?

14. Does the phrase “swiss water decaffienated” strike terror into your heart?

15. a) Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room of your house?
b) …in more than five?   c) …in your bathroom?

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem.

Everything else is inconvenience. ~Robert Fulghum

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. ~M. Kathleen Casey

If you’re going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill

We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, “Why did this happen to me?”
unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way. ~Author Unknown

A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn. ~Author Unknown

The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief. ~William Shakespeare, Othello

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. Murphy  applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin.  An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same  qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager.  Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions.  The manager went to Murphy and said.

Manager: “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the job”
Murphy:  “And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct.  This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!”
Manager: “We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.”
Murphy: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”
Manager: “Simple, the American put down on question #5, “I don’t know.”, You put down “Neither do I.”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

“OW! You shot me, you a-hole!”

ANSWER: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me! Dr. Evil said this to Austin Powers after Austin shot him in the leg while trying to escape the Moon Base.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Hey, remember that time I barfed from bad Mexican food. It was so gross.”

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

What’s the rebus shown by this display below?

My———Your
10:30

Answer: Time is on my side.

Monday’s Quizzer is…

An elderly pool attendant is starting to get sick of having to open the swimming pool every Monday, so he
decides that the pool will remain closed on Mondays from now on. Being of reasonably limited English, he
makes up a sign which he hangs from the front gate. What’s special about his sign?

NOW NO SWIMS ON MON



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

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