Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Thursday June 14, 2018.

25 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny

 

1. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

2. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

3. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “Graaaaaaaains!”

4. My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it’s also terrible.

5. Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife? He needed his space.

6. I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

7. I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

8. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? “Oh sheet!”

9. I like to spend every day as if it’s my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.

10. Why do cow-milking stools only have three legs? ‘Cause the cow’s got the udder!

11. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.

12. What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield? Its butt.

13. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”

14. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion!

15. It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you are not a dad. It’s a faux pa.

16. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? “Robin, get in the car.”

17. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it’s only mild.

18. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless!

19. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

20. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!

21. I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.

22. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.

23. What’s red and shaped like a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.

24. What don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.

25. What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssshh.

26. Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“There is a Japanese pop band whose members are all over 80 years old. The band is known for their No. 1 hit song, ‘Where Am I?'” -Conan O’Brien

“A plane in Holland was forced to make an emergency landing after a passenger’s body odor was so bad that it caused others to vomit and faint. You know it’s bad when people are going into the airplane bathroom for some fresh air.” -James Corden

“Facebook has announced a new page called ‘Memories’ that will show users photos from the past. It’s better than the original title for the page, ‘When You Were Thinner.'” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

One day, an employee received an unusually large paycheck. She decided not to say anything about it.

The following week, her check was short the overpayment she received the previous week. So she confronted her boss about it.

“How come,” her boss inquired, “you didn’t say anything when you were overpaid?”

Unperturbed, the employee replied, “Well, I can overlook one mistake – but two in a row is getting unacceptable!”

Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

“What you mean blend in? I’m two feet taller then everybody in here.” 

 ANSWER: Rush Hour 2! Carter said this to Lee when they entered the Raven Club. Lee responded with “…just try and blend in.”

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Listen… you smell something?”

Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….

In this teaser you have been given two (2) clues in each line. Each word differs by only one (1) letter, which
I have given you. Your task is to discover the answers to the clues provided.
The order of the letters does not change.

Example:

Remove _ _ _ I _ _ / _ _ _ U _ _ Justify

Answer:

E X C (I) S E / E X C (U) S E

1. specialist _ _ _ E _ _ / _ _ _ O _ _ ship

2. hull _ _ L _ _ / _ _ N _ _ indulgence

3. scorch S _ _ _ _ / T _ _ _ _ slight colouration

4. soft spread _ U _ _ _ _ / _ I _ _ _ _ grievous

Answer: 1. expert / export

2. bilge / binge

3. singe / tinge

4. butter / bitter

Thursday’s Quizzer is…

You might, perhaps at breakfast,
See a sticky part of me,
But I model, too–mathematics,
And I’m true north, strong and free.

Mrs. Christie’s character
could help you, though not well,
For though she is quite close to me,
She simply cannot spell.

What am I?




LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

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