Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday June 15, 2018.

Make Women Happy: FINALS 
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:

HER BIRTHDAY
* You take her out to dinner……………. 0
* You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar….+1
* Okay, it is a sports bar……….-2
* And it’s all-you-can-eat night….-3
* It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team……-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
* Go with a pal…………………….+5
* The pal is happily married…………+4
* Or frighteningly single……………-7
* And he drives a Ferrari……………-10
* With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)……..-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
* You take her to a movie……………+2
* You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
* You take her to a movie you hate……+6
* You take her to a movie you like……-2
* It’s called Death Cop 3……………-3
* Which features Cyborgs that eat humans….-9
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
* You develop a noticeable pot belly………….-15
* You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it………………………….+10
* You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts…….-30
* You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”……-800😱

THE BIG QUESTION (a no win question)
* She asks, “Do I look fat?”😐
* You hesitate in responding…..-10
* You reply, “Where?”…………-35😁
* Any other response………….-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
* You listen, displaying a concerned expression…… 0
* You listen, for over 30 minutes………………..+5
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV…………………….+100
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep….-200

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
– George Bernard Shaw

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
– George Bernard Shaw

With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation
of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.
-James Thurber

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers.
Thinking he’d try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that

he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and

swing, then said “Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green.”

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto

the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. “Now what?”, the fellow asked

the speechless pro. “Uh… you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup” the pro

finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, “Oh great! NOW you tell me!”

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

“You know, I do too. I hate it when you got somebody up in your face and you’re trying to give them a hint and they won’t leave.  And then there’s that big awkward silence. Ya’ know?”

ANSWER: Shrek! Donkey said this to Shrek when they first met, in reply to Shrek telling Donkey that he liked his privacy.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

 ‘Oh sexy girlfriend.’

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

Take the given words, and by moving a single letter from one word to the other, make a pair of synonyms, or near
synonyms. For example, given: Boast – Hip, move the ‘s’ from ‘Boast’ to ‘Hip’ creating two synonyms: Boat – Ship.

1. Eat – Fact
2. Fist – Spam
3. Ham – Smock
4. Tilde – Food
5. Sale – Cranking

 

Answer:

1. Feat – Act
2. Fit – Spasm
3. Sham – Mock
4. Tide – Flood
5. Scale – Ranking

 

Monday’s Quizzer is…

Mr. Black, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White are fighting in a truel. They each get a gun and take turns shooting at each other until
only one person is left. Mr. Black, who hits his shot 1/3 of the time, gets to shoot first. Mr. Gray, who hits his shot 2/3 of the
time, gets to shoot next, assuming he is still alive. Mr. White, who hits his shot all the time, shoots next, assuming he is
also alive. The cycle repeats. All three competitors know one another’s shooting odds. If you are Mr. Black,
where should you shoot first for the highest chance of survival?






LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

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