Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

Good-Morning-Images-Happy-Tuesday

WELCOME to Tuesday June 19, 2018.

10 words that should exist… 

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks’trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub
tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar’pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running
over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up,
examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt’) v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped
on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow ‘remove’ all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon’iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak’ to man gyu lay’ shun) n. Manhandling the “open here” spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the ‘illegal’ side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay’) n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking  around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay’ shun) n. The act of always letting your cell phone ring at least  twice before you pick it up, even when you’re only six inches away.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

A good, real, unrestrained, hearty laugh is a sort of glorified internal massage, performed rapidly and automatically. It manipulates and revitalizes corners and unexplored crannies  of the system that are unresponsive to most other exercise methods. ~Author unknown,
Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing. ~Ken Kesey

It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down to your hips. ~Author Unknown

It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile. ~Author Unknown

If you are too busy to laugh, you are too busy. ~Proverb

 

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their vacation. One child wrote the following:  “We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida and now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. “They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear nametags because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now.

They play games and do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool, too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don’t know how to swim.  At their gate, there is a dollhouse with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night: Early Birds. Some of the people can’t get past the man in the dollhouse to go out.
So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it potluck. My Grandma says Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day, too. When I earn my retardment I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.”😱😁😎

 

 

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

‘Oh sexy girlfriend.’

ANSWER: Sixteen Candles! This was said by Long Duck Dong.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

‘Ooo, obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl.’

 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Mr. Black, Mr. Gray, and Mr. White are fighting in a truel. They each get a gun and take turns shooting at each other until only one person is left. Mr. Black, who hits his shot 1/3 of the time, gets to shoot first. Mr. Gray, who hits his shot 2/3 of the time, gets to shoot next, assuming he is still alive. Mr. White, who hits his shot all the time, shoots next, assuming he is also alive. The cycle repeats. All three competitors know one another’s shooting odds. If you are Mr. Black, where should you shoot first for the highest chance of survival?

 

Answer: He should shoot at the ground. If Mr. Black shoots the ground, it is Mr. Gray’s turn. Mr. Gray would rather shoot at Mr. White than Mr. Black, because he is better. If Mr. Gray kills Mr. White, it is just Mr. Black and Mr. Gray left, giving Mr. Black a fair chance of winning.

If Mr. Gray does not kill Mr. White, it is Mr. White’s turn. He would rather shoot at Mr. Gray and will definitely kill him. Even though it is now Mr. Black against Mr. White, Mr. Black has a better chance of winning than before.

 

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…

Replace each word or words in parentheses with a one-word synonym to decipher a common holiday. (The first holiday is only one

word long. The second and third are two words long.)

1. (Right of north ) (she)

2. (Hotel) D (ink stick) (boogie) (24 hours)

3. (Work) (24 hours)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

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