WELCOME to Thursday June 21, 2018.
That’s How the Fight Started…...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she
thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day,
I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.😁😏
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?” I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started… 😁
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in
about 3 seconds.” I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started…… 😁
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair
on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’
And then the fight started…😱
I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
That’s how the fight started. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the
pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. ~H.L. Mencken
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t. ~Author Unknown
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. John Kenneth Galbraith, Money: Whence It Came, Where It Went
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said, “Don’t worry. Someday your prints will come”. 😐😁😎
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???
‘Looney, looney, looney.’
ANSWER: Stand By Me! The junk yard owner, Marlo Preston, in reference to Teddy’s father.
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???
‘Try a little tenderness.’
Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….
I am a protector.
I sit on a bridge.
One person can see right through me, while others wonder what I hide.
What am I?
Answer: Sunglasses. (they sit on the bridge of your nose)
Thursday’s Quizzer is……
I have a common English phrase. I feed this phrase into a computer translation program. This translates it into a foreign language then back into English again. Unfortunately, because computers do not understand idiom and sarcasm, the phrase has been changed. It now reads:
What was the original phrase?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD!🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/