Friday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

no-i-havent-see-your-lsd-have-you-seen-the-dragons-in-the-kitchen

WELCOME to Friday June 22, 2018.

Senior Personal Ads……  
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4″ (used to be 5-6),
searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching black socks, white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated
flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday
nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember
Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts
including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great weekend people, and whatever you do, don’t  forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

“Microsoft is working on technology that removes the need for cashiers and checkout lines. This cutting-edge technology is known as ‘shoplifting.'” -Conan O’Brien
“Nordstrom is launching a new home and wellness collection that features a marijuana-scented candle. You can use it to cover up the smell when you get stoned on vanilla.” -Seth Meyers

“There is a Japanese pop band whose members are all over 80 years old. The band is known for their No. 1 hit song, ‘Where Am I?'” -Conan O’Brien
“Facebook has announced a new page called ‘Memories’ that will show users photos from the past. It’s better than the original title for the page, ‘When You Were Thinner.'” -Seth Meyers

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A young city boy visiting a dude ranch wanted to be appear macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.

As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, “Say, isn’t that fine-looking bunch of cows over there.”

The hired hand replied, “Not ‘bunch,’ it’s ‘herd.'”

“Heard what?”

“Herd of cows.”

“Sure, I’ve heard of cows!” finished the city boy excitedly, “there’s a big bunch of ’em right over there.” 😐
 

 

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  

‘Try a little tenderness.’

ANSWER: Petty In Pink! Ducky is lip syncing this song as if he is singing it to Andy.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

‘Boogada Boogada Boogada, HAH HAH HAH!’

 

 

Thursday’s Quizzer is…….

I have a common English phrase. I feed this phrase into a computer translation program. This translates it into a foreign language then back into English again. Unfortunately, because computers do not understand idiom and sarcasm, the phrase has been changed. It now reads:

BLIND, INSANITY.

What was the original phrase?

Answer: Out of sight, out of mind.

 

 

Friday’s Quizzer is…

You have no skill at magic tricks, yet you make a bet with your friend for $25. You tell him to pick a card, take a look at it, and put it back in the deck. You then shuffle the deck as many times as your friend wishes. You will then hand back your friend’s chosen card. Even though you possess no magic skill whatsoever, and you have no idea what your friend picked, you can still win this bet. How?
TODAY’S QUIZZMASTER OF THE DAY AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD!🙏🙏🙏🙇🙅

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in MONDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

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