Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday June 26, 2018.

ELEVEN GREAT PUNS ABOUT THE LAW   

11) Lawyers wear law suits.

10) Next time you get a lawyer a drink, give him just-ice.

9) A lawyer using a facsimile machine must be sure to get his fax straight.

8) A lawyer for a church did some cross-examining.😱

7) Does a lawyer representing an angry cow find just cause for sour milk in a dairy case?

6) A detective likes to have a brief case.

5) The detective who went to investigate a burned down post office figured that it must be blackmail.

4) There are many judges who would like to acquit smoking.

3) Old judges never die, they just slur their sentences.

2) A police dog is often the scenter of a drug arrest.😁

1) If there’s one person you don’t want to interrupt in the middle of a sentence, it’s a judge.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

“One doesn’t have a sense of humor. It has you.”  – Larry Gelbart

“Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright

“Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.”  – Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

“As the World Cup continues, a report just came out that football fans in Russia have been drinking so much that bars are running out of beer. Russian bars didn’t order enough beer?  What did they think a bunch a rowdy football fans were going to do? They’re like, ‘Guys, the next round is on me. Sauvignon blanc? Gin and cucumber? I got you.'” -James Corden

“A baby who was born in Paris on a public train today received free rides from the transportation company until his 25th birthday. While a baby born on the New York City subway received hepatitis.” -Seth Meyers

“Banks are starting to offer services through virtual assistants like Amazon Echo, which backfires when you ask Alexa for your account balance and she just starts laughing.” -Jimmy Fallon

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

The dictionary definition of oxymoron is:-  A rhetorical figure of speech in which contradictory terms are paired, for example, alone together, current history or boneless ribs.  However, with an oxymoron the incongruous word pairing conveys a truth or a dramatic result.

It is possible to sub-divide English oxymorons into three main categories:

  1. a) Pure puns such as gourmet pizza.
  2. b) Accidents, like an original copy.
  3. c) Paradoxes, my favorite example is ‘serious joke’.
  4. d) An alternative zany definition for an oxymoron: One who forgets to breathe!

The word oxymoron is derived from the Greek oxumōros, which means ‘obviously foolish’, a Latin equivelent would be: contradictio in terminis.  Incidentally, the related word sideroxylon specifically refers to a mismatch between the noun and its adjective, e.g. cold fire. As I ponder the word oxymoron, I cannot decide which plural is the better Oxymora or oxymorons.  I also cannot get the syllable ‘moron’ out of my mind. 😁😎

 

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘Take me to bed or lose me forever.’

ANSWER: Top Gun! Goose’s wife says it when they are about to leave the bar.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  ‘Can I eat?’ ‘I don’t know, give it a try.’

 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Take the list of words below and arrange them into 3 sentences that all have something in common. Each word is only used once for each time it appears in the list. Punctuation is not an issue in this teaser in the initial placement of words.  Only names are capitalized to start with.

DAD, LET, LETS, LEW, MARGE, MISSES, NO, NORAH, ORDERED, ROSES, SEE, SHARON’S, SIMON, TELEGRAM, TELL, WE’LL,

What are the sentences and what do they have in common?

Answer: 1: MARGE LETS NORAH SEE SHARON’S TELEGRAM.
2: WE’LL LET DAD TELL LEW.
3: NO MISSES ORDERED ROSES, SIMON.

All three sentences, when correctly placed, are palindromes. They read the same backward and forward.

 

 

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…… Super Scrabble is a game for eight players. Two boards are used, and the two sets of tiles are combined. The players, in turn, can play on either of the boards. To determine the order of play, each player draws a tile. Howard drew “T”, Betty drew “J”, Walter drew “H”, Lily drew “O”, Fred drew “B”, Nancy drew “F”, and Jason drew “M”. After drawing her letter, Alice asked, “Can anyone logically figure out what letter I drew?” After a few moments, Jason replied, “I know what letter you drew.”  He was correct. What letter did Alice draw? How did Jason know?

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

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