Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday July 2, 2018.

Laws of Life…..

* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase  your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!

 

 

 

DAILY QUOTES…

“A Minor League Baseball team in Pennsylvania is selling a hot dog wrapped in cotton candy topped with Nerds candies. And instead of condiments, every one of those comes with a cry for help.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Authorities are warning people to avoid swimming in some New Jersey rivers because of increased numbers of so-called clinging jellyfish. Though if you’re swimming in New Jersey rivers, you’re probably not big on warnings.” -Seth Meyers

“The temperature hit 112 in Beverly Hills yesterday. That’s dangerous. Experts say the best thing you can do in heat like this is take a screen shot of the weather app and post it to Facebook. That way if you die, you go out with some likes.” -Jimmy Kimmel

 

 

 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?” Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s up with you?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don’t understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. You’re kidding, right?
8. Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day. (my favorite)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

 

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  ‘I am the eyes and ears of this institution my friends.’

ANSWER: Stand By Me!  Gordie says this to Chris because he doesn’t want him to tell anybody that he shot the trash can.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Don’t mind me asking, but do you have six fingers on your right hand?” “Do you always start conversations this way?”

 

 

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

I represent love.
I’m the daughter of Heaven and Sea.
You may find me in the sky above,
And many envy my beauty.

My love belongs to fire,
But if I said I was true to him
I would be a liar,
But I have no shame for my whims.

My son taught many to love.
To me the only earthly items of worth
Are myrtle, sparrow, swan, and dove.
And no one remembers my birth.

Answer: The goddess Venus.

Line 1: She represents love, fertility, and beauty.
2: She is known as the daughter of Heaven and Sea.
3: Venus is also a Planet.
4: Same as line 1.
6-8: She was married to Vulcan the God of fire, but had affairs with many others.
9: Her son was Cupid.
10-11: Those were known to be sacred to her.
12: There are 2 theories of her birth. 

 

 

 

Monday’s Quizzer is……Diagramless is a special form of crossword puzzle. It is the same, just you have no idea where the black squares are, you have to use the answers to the clues and the numbers of them to figure that out.

Can you figure this diagramless out?
It is just a small, 4×4 grid, and there are two black squares.
Across Clues:
1. Water Sport
5. Best Grade
6. __ top of; above
7. Place of relaxation
9. Water Level

Down Clues:
1. Opposite of future
2. Oxygen
3. Fill by putting on
4. Opposite of off
8. 3.14
10. Vowel between C and H
(the hint tells you where the two black squares are located)

 

 

 

 

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. http://www.GodLovesPraise.com, http://www.stlzoo.org

 

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