Thursday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!


WELCOME to Thursday July 19, 2018.

Future Novelists… These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who  went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those  boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those  boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. 😐

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a  grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left  Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at  4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Steve Harvey’s teeth. 😁

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a  really duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

He was deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Thursday people, and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!





“A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.” -Lisa Kirk

“Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short-comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people’s characters.” –Margaret Halsey

“Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets ’em ready for the real world” –George Carlin





G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular.

“When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I’d get a  salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o’ bread, a magazine, and  some new blue jeans… all for a dollar!!”

Then Grandpa said sadly, “You can’t DO that anymore….they got those darn

video cameras everywhere you look.” 😐😎



Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  In which classic holiday movie did Aunt Bethany get a little confused about what she was being asked, and respond with: “Grace? She passed away 30 years ago!”?

ANSWER: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation! Asking Aunt Bethany to ‘say grace’ for the meal, the family waited patiently while what’s wanted was explained to her. In the end, the family joined with Aunt Bethany in a hearty rendition of the U.S. ‘Pledge of Allegiance’ and the feast began!  In this 1989 movie, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”, Clark Griswold, (played by Chevy Chase) tried to create the perfect family Christmas get-together. However, he was frustrated by his not-so-perfect family, and a sequence of mishaps mar the occasion.

Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “…Chief, you’re about as big as a […] mountain!” This is a famous movie quote which not only illustrates the movie but the book it came from, and yet highlights the difference between the book and movie.  From which multi-award winning movie from the 70s did this defining line come?


Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….

Dorothy loves do.
Rina loves re.
Farelina loves fa.
Soledad loves so.
Lara loves la.
Tina loves ti.

Answer: Nobody loves me! The note mi isn’t listed making no one to love it as in Nobody loves mi. 




Thursday’s Quizzer is…

In this teaser your job is to try and discover a shorter word within the given word that relates to the theme.  The word must be an extension of the ‘theme’ word. The letters of the hidden word are NOT jumbled.
Theme: NIGHT______
Sneaky = SKY (NIGHT SKY)

Theme: NIGHT______

1. Amplifier = ? (NIGHT______)
2. Vowel = ? (NIGHT______)
3. Counteract = ? (NIGHT______)
4. Persimmon = ? (NIGHT______)






LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at



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