Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday July 30, 2018.

In order to make the world a better place, the following rules will take immediate effect across the planet.

1. It is no longer permitted to be stupid and slow. You must choose one or the other.😱😁😎

2. If in the course of parking your car you are not able to maneuver the vehicle into a

space in less time than it takes to undergo and recover from open heart surgery,
it is not permitted to park in that space.

3. If you are waiting for an elevator that is slow to come and you are the sort of person

who pushes the call button repeatedly in the belief that it will make a difference,
you are no longer permitted to use elevators.

4. Boxes of Christmas cards that carry messages like “May your holidays be wrapped in warmth and touched with wonder” must bear a label on the outside of the box saying:

“Do Not Purchase – Message Inside Is Embarrassing and Sentimental.”

5. In office buildings and retail premises in which entry is through double doors and one of those doors is locked for no reason, the door must bear a large sign saying: “This Door Is Locked for No Reason.”

6. Liver and goat cheese will no longer be regarded as foods. In fancy restaurants, salads may no longer contain anything that can be found growing at the side of any public highway.

7. When standing in line at a retail establishment, it is not permitted to engage the sales assistant in conversation regarding the weather, the health or personal relationships of mutual acquaintances or other matters not relevant to the purchase.

7a. Anyone who reaches the front of a line and says, “Now what do I want?” and purses his lips thoughtfully or drums his fingers on his chin while studying the ordering options as if for the first time will be taken outside and shot. 😁

8. Any electronic clock on which the time is set by holding down a button and scrolling laboriously through the minutes and hours is illegal. Also, when you are trying to set the alarm for, say, 7:00 a.m. and the numbers get to about 6:52 and then suddenly speed up and you discover that you have gone past the desired hour and have to start all over, that is extremely illegal.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Monday people,
and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!
Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

DAILY QUOTES… 

“Researchers have published a letter from a Harvard student in 1743 asking his parents
for money. On the bright side, just this year his student loans were finally paid off.” -Conan O’Brien

“Indonesia’s anti-drug chief is proposing that the country put narcotics offenders in a jail on an island surrounded by crocodiles. The plan is to send the inmates food supplies every day but they will have to survive on their own. This already sounds like a reality TV show I would totally watch.” -James Corden

“New research has found that contrary to popular belief, it could be beneficial for women to eat and drink while in labor. Though I don’t think the other people in the restaurant would be too happy about it.” -Seth Meyers

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. (Repost)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. 😐😱😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “It’s not the years, honey. It’s the mileage.”?  

ANSWER: Raiders of the Lost Ark! “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, released in 1981, was the first film in the “Indiana Jones” franchise. Set in 1936, Harrison Ford played Dr. Jones, an archeologist hired to find the Ark of the Covenant before it ended up in the hands of the Nazis. When his love interest Marion Ravenwood says, “You’re not the man I knew ten years ago”, Indiana Jones responds as only Indiana Jones can. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” was a huge commercial and critical success. It was the highest grossing film of 1981, and went on to win 5 Academy Awards.

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

Friday’s Quizzer is……. While riding in the car I saw a license plate that read like this: IXMNIZ  What occupation did the man in the car have?😁😎

Answer: He was an optometrist. The license plate reads like this: I-XMN-IZ
(So it reads I Examine Eyes)

Monday’s Quizzer is……In Mrs. Farstaff’s Science class, they are holding a contest. She has a glass bottle, and a little bronze ball, the size of whichis the exact same as the hole in the bottle. Mrs. Farstaff is giving the student who can put the ball in the bottle, without breaking the glass or destroying the ball somehow, an iPOD.

In her room there is a microwave, petroleum jelly, a stove, and a freezer.

Six of her seven students attempted this feat, but with no luck.

After the sixth student, the seventh, Geoff, comes up to the bottle and the ball. He thinks of using one of the tools in Mrs. Farstaff’s room at his disposal, and uses one (not the jelly as it was already proven to not work) and five hours later, gets the ball in the bottle and his free iPOD.   How did he do it?






LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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