Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday July 31, 2018.

Quotes to lighten up your day!

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have

since been visited by her sister . . and now wish to withdraw that statement. ~Mark Twain😎

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;

and to have the two as close together as possible. ~George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea … Visit people only once a year. ~Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir mighty scarce. ~Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one,

you’ll become a philosopher. ~Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she

stops to breathe. ~Jimmy Durante

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can

be trained to do most things. ~Jilly Cooper

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol,

caffeine, sugar and fat. ~ Alex Levine

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you

nothing. It was here first. ~ Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. ~Ed Furgol

Money can’t buy you happiness . but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~Spike Milligan

What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money. ~Henny Youngman

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people,

and whatever you do, don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP!

Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

DAILY QUOTES…

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? Groucho Marx

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them. Edwin Arlington Robinson

The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. Woody Allen

The poor wish to be rich. The rich wish to be happy. The happy wish to be married. The married wish to be dead. Ann Landers

It’s hard to be funny when you have to be clean. Mae West

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days. Benjamin Franklin

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. Harry S. Truman.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. Anonymous

I have enjoyed life a lot more by saying yes than by saying no. Unknown.

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

Every morning during our coffee break, my co-workers and I
listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed colleague.
We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.

One day she asked us for step-by-step instructions on cooking
sweet potatoes, one of her husband’s favorites. “I’ve finally
been able to make them sweet,” she said, “but how do you make
them orange?”😱😐😁😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???“Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

ANSWER: 2001: A Space Odyssey! “2001 A Space Odyssey” (1968) was one of the world’s most visually spectacular movies when it was released. The screenplay was written by Stanley Kubrick and Arthur C. Clarke, based Clarke’s short story “The Sentinel”. (1948). Clarke released a novel of the same name after the movie was released. The story is minimal: A monolith is discovered in pre-historic times and another on the moon in contemporary time. The monolith has a role in the evolutionary practices on Earth. A race is on to find the third monolith near Jupiter. However only the anthropomorphic computer HAL knows the real mission with the five astronauts mere pawns in the process. The crux comes when the computer will not let the last astronaut back into the spacecraft as the computer fears he (it) will be shut down by Bowman. This was a visually spectacular movie (remember this was the sixties) known for its minimalist dialogue, its lack of stars and a classical music score. In 2010, it was named the greatest film of all time by one leading video movie journal.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? A: “There’s a storm coming.” B: “I know.”

Monday’s Quizzer is……. In Mrs. Farstaff’s Science class, they are holding a contest. She has a glass bottle, and a little bronze ball, the size of which is the exact same as the hole in the bottle. Mrs. Farstaff is giving the student who can put the ball in the bottle, without breaking the glass or destroying the ball somehow, an iPOD.

In her room there is a microwave, petroleum jelly, a stove, and a freezer.

Six of her seven students attempted this feat, but with no luck.

After the sixth student, the seventh, Geoff, comes up to the bottle and the ball. He thinks of using one of the tools in Mrs. Farstaff’s room at his disposal, and uses one (not the jelly as it was already proven to not work) and five hours later, gets the ball in the bottle and his free iPOD. How did he do it?

Answer: He put the little ball in the freezer for five hours, and left the bottle outside. The bronze ball will contract in the cold of the freezer, but the opening of the bottle will be the same size as it was. This makes it easy for the ball to go into the bottle.

Tuesday’s Quizzer is……Complete these words using every letter of the alphabet once only…

on_ _
_e_ra
_as_a
_ _ter
ac_ _i_e
cu_ _o_
_ _it
_al_
_u_gle
_to_e
_ _a_o_d

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

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Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store