Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday September 4, 2018.

Today we take a look at suspect signs and botched billboards that dot the American landscape. Here are some other signs that need to be re-signed:

*     At restaurant-gas stations throughout the nation: “Eat here and get gas.”
*     At a Santa Fe gas station: “We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.”
*     In a New Hampshire jewelry store: “Ears pierced while you wait.”
*     In an New York restaurant” Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.”

*     On a delicatessen wall:”Our best is none too good.”
*     On the wall of a Baltimore estate: “Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.” “– Sisters of Mercy”
*     On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store: “Thirty-eight years on the same spot.”
*     In a Los Angeles dance hall: “Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.”
*     On a movie theater: “Children’s matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.”
*     In a Florida maternity ward: “No children allowed!”
*     In a New York drugstore: “We dispense with accuracy.”

*     On a New York loft building: “Wanted: Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor.”
*     In a New Hampshire medical building: “Martin Diabetes Professional Ass.”
*     In the office of a loan company: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.”
*     In a New York medical building: “Mental health prevention center.”
*     On a New York convalescent home: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

DAILY QUOTES…

“Today is Thursday. Or what I like to call on Friday, ‘yesterday.'” -Jimmy Fallon

“Astronomers at NASA are saying that they discovered a new Earth-like planet that’s only 4.2 light years away. I know, I reacted the exact same way as you did. I don’t know how far that is either.” -James Corden

“KFC has come out with a sunscreen that makes you smell like fried chicken. Of course if you want to smell like KFC, you could just ride around in any single guy’s car.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.
“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.” “What about your wife?” the friend asked. “What did you buy her?” “A new lawn mower,” the golfer said.

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “This could be the worst disaster NASA’s ever faced.” “With all due respect, sir, I believe this is gonna be our finest hour.” Choose the movie these quotes are in, from these multiple choices.

ANSWER: Apollo 13! This scene starts with an ominous transmission from the Apollo 13 spacecraft: “Houston, we have a problem.” The Houston command center realizes trouble on board the spacecraft may prevent its safe return to earth and the NASA Director (Joe Spano) says this first line. Optimistic co-worker Gene Kranz (Ed Harris) replies with the second line. This movie is based on the true story of the ill-fated 13th Apollo mission bound for the moon.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “What in heaven’s name brought you to __________?” “My health. I came to __________ for the waters.” “The waters? What waters? We’re in the desert!” “I was misinformed.”

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

What common household item wouldn’t have become popular if it wasn’t for another invention in 1928 (it didn’t take off until 1930)?😐

Answer: The toaster.
The first electric toaster was invented in 1893 in Great Britain by Crompton and Co (UK) and re-invented in 1909 in the United States.

It only toasted one side of the bread at a time and it required a person to stand by and turn it off manually when the toast looked done.

Charles Strite invented the modern timer, pop-up toaster in 1919.

Otto Frederick Rohwedder invented the bread slicer, which he started working on in 1912. At first, Rohwedder came up with the idea of a

device that held the slices together with hat pins (not a success). In 1928, he designed a machine that sliced and wrapped the bread to

prevent the sliced bread from going stale. Pre-sliced bread was popularized by Wonder Bread in 1930, helping to spread the toaster’s popularity further.

Friday’s Quizzer is……

When you curtail a word, you remove the last letter and still have a valid word. You will be given clues for the two words, longer word first.
Example: Begin -> Heavenly body
Answer: The words are Start and Star.

1. Fragmented; torn -> Lacking funds
2. Place of shelter; a refuge -> Possess; own
3. Community; village -> Pull behind
4. Paradise -> Throw with effort
5. Grass -> Set of rules imposed by an authority
6. Chess piece -> Clawed animal foot
7. Bedding, tablecloth -> A mark longer than it is wide
8. Baker’s number -> Sleep lightly

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

http://www.amazon.com

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store