Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Tuesday September 11, 2018.

Things I’d Like to Hear, Just Once in my lifetime….

From my auto mechanic:
“That part is much less expensive than I thought.”
“I’ve never seen anyone maintain his car as well as you do.”
“You could get that done more cheaply at the garage down the
street.”  “It was just a loose wire. No charge.”

From my son’s preschool teacher:
“Everyone misbehaved today except Michael.”
“Michael traded his candy bar for carrot sticks.”
“I wish we had 20 Michael’s.”

From a store clerk:
“The computerized cash register is down. I’ll just add up
your purchases with a pencil and paper.”
“I’ll take a break after I finish waiting on these customers.”
“We’re sorry we sold you defective merchandise. We’ll pick
it up at your home and bring you a new one or give you a
complete refund, whichever you prefer.”

From my doctor:
“Of course I’ll come by your house to check on you.”
“Give me a call at home over the weekend if you’re not feel-
ing better.”
“Sure, come on by this afternoon, we’ll work you in.”
“I’ll call ahead and let them know the most you will pay
for that test.”
“Here, take these samples.”
“Don’t worry about it, there’s no charge for that.”
“I recommend you get a second opinion.”

From a contractor:
“Whoever worked on this before sure knew what he was doing.”
“I think I came in a little high on that estimate.”

From my dentist:
“I think you’re flossing too much.”
“I won’t ask you any questions until I take the pick out of
your mouth.”

From a restaurant server:
“I think it’s presumptuous for a waiter to volunteer his
name, but since you ask, it’s Tim.”
“I was slow and inattentive. I cannot accept any tip.”

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it! Have a great Tuesday people and whatever you do,

don’t forget to LAUGH IT UP! Peace I am outta here, Eucman!😁😎

DAILY QUOTES…

“Fantasy Football began last night. It’s a fun way for people who are bad at real sports to realize that they’re also bad at imaginary sports.” -Jimmy Fallon

“Thousands of bugs have been stolen from the Philadelphia Insectarium. Thieves made off with more than 7,000 bugs, including millipedes, rhinoceros roaches and venomous spiders valued at more than $40,000. I get why people steal, but what’s the plan after a theft like this? You walk around the street going, ‘Wanna buy some bugs?'” -Jimmy Kimmel

“According to another study, chocolate chip cookie addiction shares many similarities with cocaine addiction.  Researchers say sugar can give you some of the same cravings that cocaine can give. And I say, it is actually worse for you. Like, believe me, try getting an entire chocolate chip cookie up your nose.” -James Corden😎


 

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She had made her family’s favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they had eaten half of it. The next day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice. Then another, and another. By the time she had polished off the cake, she knew her husband would be disappointed.

“What did he say when he found out?” one club member asked.

“He never found out,” she said. “I made another cake and ate half.” 😐😱

 

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Greg, what is the worst fraternity on this campus?” “Well, that would be hard to say, sir. They’re each outstanding in their own way.”

ANSWER: Animal House! In this scene Faber College Dean Vernon Wormer (John Vernon) is discussing with Omega fraternity house president Greg Marmalard (James Daughton) various bad influences on the Faber College campus, and asks Greg line one. Greg beats around the bush by answering with line two. But Dean Wormer already knows the answer to his question: It’s Delta house, notorious for drunken parties, pranks and abysmally-low school grades. The dean summarizes their contributions to Faber College life as, “Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.” There are so many good quotes in this movie, it’s hard to choose! Here are a few more: “My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.” “Better listen to him, Flounder, he’s in pre-med.” “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Director John Landis confirmed he threw beer bottles near the actors during filming in some interior Delta house scenes to add some “flavor” to the scene!


 

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Anybody know this joint?”  “Yeah, sure, I do. It’s perfect for us. A small family place, good food. Everyone minds his business. It’s perfect. Pete, they got an old-fashion’ toilet — you know, the box, and – and – and – ah the chain thing. We might be able to tape the gun behind it.”

Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Based on the clue in parentheses, find a four-letter word that can be inserted backwards into the blank to complete a longer word.

Example: di____ve (a defeat)
Answer: dissolve (“A defeat” gives you LOSS, which is placed backwards in the blank: di_SSOL_ve.)

1. s____ing (earth)
2. si____lk (felt reverent)
3. cam____e (chauffeur driven car)
4. s____way (bass; extreme)

 

Answer:  1. striding (DIRT – s_TRID_ing)
2. sidewalk (AWED – si_DEWA_lk)
3. camomile (LIMO – cam_OMIL_e)
4. speedway (DEEP – s_PEED_way)

 

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…

Find an anagram for the words in Group A. The anagram will answer one of the clues in Group B.

Group A

1. Dover
2. Quale
3. Harpo
4. Shore
5. Canoe
6. Rebut

Group B

A. Took the wheel
B. Pacific or Indian
C. Root veggie
D. Fifty-fifty
E. Thoroughbred
F. Book Club personality



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. BUY MY BOOK https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

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