WELCOME to Thursday September 13, 2018.
A mammal found extensively throughout the planet, often clustered in groups in front of television sets. Thought to be a member of Homo Sapiens due to physical similarities, though social and emotional behavior leads many researchers to consider Teenagers to be a completely different species altogether. Very territorial.
Teenagers are extraordinarily social animals, seeking contact with their peer groups to such a great extent they will forgo family, chores, food, and responsibility. The males of the species forage for food constantly and can consume three times their weight every day. When in full plumage, the males are usually drab, marked by huge loose fitting garments which slide off their backsides, exposing their brightly colored coordinated undergarments.
The females, on the other hand, sport striking colors under their eyes, throughout their hair, and on the tips of their fingers. Females often attract males by wearing garments to accentuate chest development. Males indicate their approval by staring at the display. The call of the female is complex and shrill: “Like, OMG! OMG!” Males are less vocal, signaling to other males with a salutatory “Yo. Yo. Yo. S’up? S’up? S’up?” or a basic head nod.
Teenagers line their nests with discarded undergarments and other clothes. The females hold cell phones to their ears and snapchat an average of six hours a day. When challenged for possession, they snarl and warn intruders, “I’m doing my HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK.” The males either lie immobile or spend time gaming on their computers or cellphones for hours at a time, conserving energy and listening to rap music. Male Teenagers concentrate on important information by rolling their eyes, shrugging, kicking dirt and sighing. Females burst into tears and slam doors. Many Homo Sapiens families have a host-to-parasite relationship with one or more than one Teenager. These host families often develop a resistance to the parasite, rejecting them
“It was announced today the most common vegetable that toddlers eat is French fries. Or as my brain processed this story: A study has confirmed that French fries are a vegetable. I ate two plates of vegetables today. I’m joking. You cannot just eat French fries. You have got to eat other vegetables. You know; onion rings, loaded potato skins, carrot cake.” -James Corden
G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….
In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a “barrister.”
My 13-year-old daughter wasn’t impressed. “So,” she said, “he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?” 😐😱😁
Wednesday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Well, for the Lord’s sake, will you look at that! What’ll we do now?” “This is gonna be fun!”
ANSWER: Deliverance! In this scene Georgia businessman Drew Ballinger (Ronny Cox) spots some rapids in the fictional Cahulawassee River at the start of a canoeing trip and comments with line one. His canoeing partner, outdoor enthusiast Lewis Medlock (Burt Reynolds), replies eagerly with line two. “Deliverance” tells a hair-raising story of how Medlock has organized a weekend canoeing trip down a soon-to-be-submerged river in the Georgia backcountry with three Atlanta, Georgia urban businessmen (played by Jon Voight, Ned Beatty, and Ronny Cox). However, instead of a fun canoe adventure they enter a nightmare, and wind up killing two local mountain men after businessman Bobby Trippe (Ned Beatty, in his movie debut) is sexually assaulted. The local sheriff (played by James Dickey, who wrote both the novel this movie is based on and the screenplay) suspects, but can’t prove, that something has happened, and he warns them with the line, “Don’t ever do nothin’ like this again. Don’t come back up here.”
Thursday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “You just shot an unarmed man!” “Well, he should have armed himself if he’s going to decorate his saloon with my [dead] friend.”
Wednesday’s Quizzer is…….
1. Do Do
2. Dew Dew
3. Due Due
(Two “do/dew/etc.” list)
Thursday’s Quizzer is……
LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in FRIDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/
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