Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Monday September 17, 2018.

Unlikely marriages
1. If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she’d be Kitty Twitty.

2. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono.

3. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she’d be Dolly Dali.

4. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she’d be Bo Ho.

5. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she’d be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

6.If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she’d become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

7. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she’d be Bea Sting.

8. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she’d be Liv Ito Beaver.

9. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he’d be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

10. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he’d be Boog Alou.

11. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he’d be G. Ghali G.

12. If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she’d be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

13. If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

14. If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he’d be Woody Wood Peck Hur.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! HAVE A GREAT MONDAY PEOPLE! And whatever you do,don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“Recently passengers on a United Airlines flight from Scotland to New Jersey got a bit of a shock when the pilot came out of the cockpit, changed out of his uniform, and fell asleep in a first-class seat. The only way this could have been more concerning for the passengers is if the pilot also had an emotional support dog.” -James Corden

“A man in Florida has been arrested for stealing over $5 million from his job at a local credit union to produce movies. He apparently got caught after the release of his new documentary, ‘How I Stole $5 Million From My Local Credit Union.'” -Seth Meyers

“A math blogger says he’s figured out ‘the world’s favorite number.’ It turns out that it’s 7. The least popular number? The fake phone number you get when you tell a girl you’re a math blogger.” -Jimmy Fallon

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

I had worked late, and my Labrador was so overjoyed to see
me arrive home that he jumped up just as I leaned down.
Our heads collided, and I sported an impressive shiner for
several weeks.

I had to repeat frequently to co-workers and friends how I
came by it, and one day on the elevator, a secretary whom
I hadn’t seen for some time looked at my black eye and ex-
claimed, “My goodness, what happened to you?”

“The dog did it,” I wearily replied.

A man standing next to us looked over at me and said
knowingly, “Ahh, you must own a boxer.”😐

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???

“Stop chasing me!” “I can’t stop, it’s my job.”

ANSWER: Catch Me If You Can!

In this scene FBI agent Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks) takes a telephone call from con man and master forger Frank Abagnale, Jr.

(Leonardo DiCaprio) during the Christmas holiday. Dedicated agent Hanratty is in his empty office when all the other agents

are home for the holiday. Abagnale is tired of running and says, “I want it to be over,” and then adds line one. Hanratty senses

he is winning this race and replies with line two. This movie tells the true story of Frank Abagnale, Jr. who, before his 19th

birthday, successfully impersonated an airline pilot, a doctor, and a lawyer and cashed more than $2.5 million in fraudulent

checks in every U.S. state and 26 foreign countries.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???

“Nice move! Always leaving the water running. Now we know each and every house that you’ve hit.”
“You know, we’ve been looking for you guys for a long time.”
“Yeah? Well remember, we’re the wet bandits. The wet bandits. W-E…”
“Shut up!”

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

There once was a family of spies. One of them is celebrating his birthday, and the Mommy spy gave him gifts.

The celebrant did not say anything; instead he gave this set of words:

toes
heat
ambition
nose
kiss
see
for
oneupmanship
route
tough

And because the family are spies, the Mom understood the message.

What was the message?

Answer:

THANKS FOR THE PRESENTS

If you read the first letters beginning from the first word downward, and then the last letters from

the last word upwards, you will reveal the message.

Monday’s Quizzer is……

Can you figure out what words are represented by the following?

1. Iron + M + Iodine + Nickel + Neon
2. M + Arsenic + Copper + Lithium + Neon
3. Iron + M + Aluminum + E
4. Tungsten + Oxygen + M + A + Nitrogen
5. Germanium + Nitrogen + Thallium + E + M + A + Nitrogen
6. Lanthanum + Dysprosium

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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