Tuesday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

WELCOME to Tuesday September 25, 2018.

Tuesday’s Punography!

1.A man opened a dry-cleaning business next door to the convent. He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.

2. A man recently invented a knife that cuts four loaves of bread simultaneously. He calls his invention a four-loaf cleaver.

3. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?” “Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”

4. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

5. A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

6. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately,

he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! HAVE A GREAT TUESDAY PEOPLE! And whatever you do,don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

“The 2020 Olympics are in Tokyo, and I saw that Japan wants to light the Olympic Torch with a flying car. Whether it works or not, by the end of the ceremony, something will be on fire.” -Jimmy Fallon

“A team of scientists recently completed an experiment studying the effects of the drug MDMA on octopuses. Which is part of a bigger experiment of what happens when you give scientists LSD.” -Seth Meyers

“Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny’s while sober.” -Conan O’Brien

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F….

My Italian American friend is very self-conscious about his
height, or lack thereof. So I always steer clear of the
subject.

One day, he and I went to lunch at a Sub shop.

“I’ll take the Italian,” he said to the guy behind the
counter. “Salami, Provolone, and peppers.”

“Do you want a full hero or half one?” came the reply.

“Ah… gimme a half,” my friend says.

After placing our orders, we took our seats. A few minutes
later, my friend grimaced when we heard…

“Small Italian, your order is up!”😔😁😎

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from??? “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!”

ANSWER: “Steel Magnolias” The quote is said by Clairee Belcher played by the talented actress, Olympia Dukakis. The scene takes place at Drum and M’Lynn’s Christmas party. Truvy Jones and Clairee are discussing Clairee’s nephew Marshall. After Truvy comments on how she is surprised how Clairee speaks about her own kin, Clairee said the line as her response, because she was a straight-forward character and enjoyed gossip. She has a heart of gold, but holds no comment back.

Tuesday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from??? “Go ahead, make my day.”

TODAY’S MOVIE DIVA AWARD GOES TO MS. KIM HILLYARD🙏🙏🙏🙅🙇

Monday’s Quizzer is…….

Changing one letter in each of the following words will make new words that are all related to each other. What are the new words?
Storm
Payable
Cable
Moth

Answer: Story

Parable
Fable
Myth

Tuesday’s Quizzer is…… Pick the word from List B which best completes the group of words in List A.

List A:
Eighth, _____, Height, Beau, Eulogy

List B:
Aesop
Beauty
Client
Masseur
Painter

LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in WEDNESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases! Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

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Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store