Monday’s Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers and Teases!

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WELCOME to Monday October 1, 2018.

Guide to Buying Gifts For Men:
Rule #1:
When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter
if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has
yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless
drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two
words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” “OK. By-the-
way, are you through with my 3/8 inch socket yet?” Again, no
one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something
to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their
cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And
never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had
wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have
invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they
have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a 90 inch
flat screen HDTV and watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and
flips.

Rule #6:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. With-
in a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely every-
where. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.” You
get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #7:
Good places to shop for men include Loews, Home Depot, John Deere,

RVCenter, and Schwarz Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears’ Centers are also
excellent men’s stores. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know
what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey!
Isn’t this a starter for a ’68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.”)

Rule #8:
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must
be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Clamps. Men can never have enough quick grip clamps.
No one knows why.

Rule #10: Buy your man Guerilla Duct Tape. This is a man’s most
universal repair tool. All men know, if you can’t fix it, duct. tape it.

That’s my story and I’m sticking too it! HAVE A GREAT MONDAY PEOPLE!
And whatever you do,don’t forget to LAFF IT UP! Peace, I am outta here, Eucman!

DAILY QUOTES…

 “The more you expect from life, the more your expectations will be fulfilled. By laughing, you do not use up your laughter, but increase your store of it. The more you love, the more you will be loved. The more you give, the more you will receive.
Life proves that truth every hour, every day. And life continues to surprise.”
― Dean Koontz
 
“When I die, I plan to be laughing hysterically.” 😎
― Minari Endou
 
“It was a laugh that came from the tip of his toes, gaining force and soul as it traveled through his body and out into the world in mirthful bursts. There wasn’t anything fake about it; it was an amusement park of a laugh, and when it appeared, you wanted to jump on board.” ― David Levithan

G U A R A N T E D T O M A K E Y O U L A F F…. I recently saw a distraught young lady standing beside her car. “Do you need some help?” I asked. 

“I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker,” she explained, exasperated. “Now I can’t
get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a con-
venience store a couple blocks down) would have a battery
to fit this?”

“Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?” I asked.

“No, just this remote thingy,” she answered, handing it and
the car keys to me to inspect. I took the key, manually
unlocked the door and said “Why don’t you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It’s a long walk.😱😐😁😎

Friday’s Movie Trivia of the day!‘ What movie is this quote from???  “You’re spoiled, vengeful and bloody! Your poetry is sour and your music is worse.”

ANSWERAnne of the Thousand Days! Anne Boleyn says this to King Henry while they are out riding on her home estate, where Henry has come to win her affections. She is angry because Henry has refused her permission to marry Lord Percy, son of the Duke of Northumberland, because he wants her for himself.  “Anne of the Thousand Days” is the love story of Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII of England. It is a story that changed England forever. The movie stars Richard Burton as King Henry VIII and Genevieve Bujold as Anne Boleyn.

Monday’s Movie Trivia of the day! What movie is this quote from???  “…and they mostly come at night…mostly.”

Friday’s Quizzer is…….

Once again, the Booker Prize panel are sitting. And again an excerpt from a book has some key words missing.  Can you fill in the blanks so the story makes sense and also spot the connection between them?

Mr. Ix was speeding through the streets of Wimbledon, when he was pulled over by a police officer.
“It isn’t my ____!” wailed Mr. Ix noisily.
“It ____ you right,” replied the officer.
“Will it come to ____?” Ix inquired.
“If you keep up this ____ it will,” the officer replied severely.
“It is not as if I gained any ____,” Ix said ____edly.
“I would ____ to ____ you off with a caution,” admitted the officer, “but I can’t allow you through the ____ on this one,” he continued.

Answer:  Mr. Ix was speeding through the streets of Wimbledon, when he was pulled over by a police officer.
“It isn’t my FAULT!” wailed Mr. Ix noisily.
“It SERVES you right,” replied the officer.
“Will it come to COURT?” Ix inquired.
“If you keep up this RACKET it will,” the officer replied severely.
“It is not as if I gained any ADVANTAGE,” Ix said POINTedly.
“I would LOVE to LET you off with a caution,” admitted the officer, “but I can’t allow you through the NET on this one,” he continued.

FAULT
SERVES
COURT
RACKET
ADVANTAGE
POINT
LOVE
LET
NET

These are all terms used in the game of tennis.

A famous tennis competition is held annually in Wimbledon. 


Monday’s Quizzer is…

What is the next number?

3, 76, 49, 24, 59



LOOK for answers to today’s quizzlers in TUESDAY’S Jokes, Quotes, Quizzlers & Teases!  Like this newsletter? Want to receive it daily? Also, if you are on the list and do not want to continue to receive this email and would like your name removed from this distribution list, please send an email to the Eucman at Eucstraman@hotmail.com.https://dailyjokesquotesquizzlersandteases.wordpress.com/

LINKS: http://www.slampi.org., http://www.hopeBUILD.org. www.GodLovesPraise.com. CHECK OUT MY BOOK online at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FF669PT/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1531337765&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Banquet+Servers+Hand+Guide#

Amazon.com: The Banquet Servers Hand Guide (Basic) eBook: Euclid Strayhorn: Kindle Store

 

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